i should have picked black knight.

well, well, well.  i have returned from the dead.  also known as the land of the laptop-less.

for the second time, i broke the charger to our only computer.  i am so awesome i astound myself sometimes.  last time it was during ben's midterms, and this time it was during his finals.  not only am i astounded at my clumsiness, i am also astounded by the patience of a very wonderful husband.  

okay, let's play a game.

truth, dare, double-dare, promise to repeat, or black knight.  (never heard of black knight?  me neither, until like a month ago when ben told me about it & said it definitely is part of the game.  and i told him that really, "black knight" was just a lame excuse for getting your friends to run naked down the streets.  which we all know is what he & his friends would pick.  every time.  what is it with teenage guys getting naked & running around?  a different subject for a different day.)  

i digress.

okay, my turn.  since i'm not in the mood to strip down and scare my apartment complex-ees, i pick truth.

did i lie to my husband about breaking the charger for the second time?

why yes, i did.  how did you know to ask me that?

did i eventually tell him the truth?

yes, i did.

how many days did it take me to get up the guts to tell him the truth?

wow, you're insightful.  you apparently can see through to my dark soul.  where the liar in me hides.

um, 3 days. 

okay, okay.  i know it's bad.  i think there have been 2 times that i have lied to my husband since we have been married.   (and once when we were dating, but that doesn't count, does it?  and i told him the truth then, too.)  each time i have told him the truth.  i think this is the longest amount of time i've held out admitting to him.  

i was just so scared to tell him.  i knew that he had huge test to study for and like 2 papers to write.  but why was i scared?  it's not like he has a huge temper or anything.  he doesn't yell.  he's never called me a name, or given me the silent treatment.

because i'm a coward, alrighty.  and i wanted him to not look at me with my clumsy imperfections and instead keep me up on the pedestal i've been on for 6 1/2 years now.

ha, ha.

so here's what happened.

i was logging on to nickjr.com to let caleb play his little preschool games for a few minutes.  i had the laptop on my lap, then...because it was early in the morning & i had hardly slept the night before, i yawned.  and stretched.  a biiiiiiig stretch.  this stretch was from the heart.  so much so that my arms went up, my legs flexing out.  and i realized that i had made a mistake.  but it was too late.  in slow motion, i saw the laptop slipping off of my lap and onto the floor. 

ka-boom.  yikes.

i picked it up, praying silently.  luckily it seemed fine.  until i looked at the charger.  and it was no longer charging.  more praying.  the darn things are $90!  and we'd just replaced it a month ago!  and we're in a flipping recession where we can't even afford the fancy diapers!  

but alas, charger #2 had passed away.  luckily it was quick, i don't think she felt anything.  i tried CPR, but to my chagrin she lay still and peaceful, with a soft smile on her face, er, cord.

i went to text ben to tell him what happened.  and at first i did not fully lie, i just committed the sin of omission.

"you're not going to believe this but the charger died again."  i text.

"you're kidding me."  he writes back.  "is it the charger or is the computer broken?"

pause from me.  do i admit it?  not over a text, i think to myself.  i should be dignified and tell him to his face when he gets home.

"um, i think it's the charger.  you'll have to check it out when you get home."

not a full lie, right?  so he comes home and asks what happened.  i blink.  several times.  gulp.  then like a total pansy, i say, 

"i totally don't know.  it was working last night and then i checked it today and it wasn't working."

i am a bad bad person.  i get it.  so he spends a couple of minutes trying to fix it.  i hear many long, drawn-out sighs escaping his mouth.  finally he says he can't get it to work and needs to go to school to finish his papers.

i live with this lie for 3 whole days.  it bothered me.  gnawed at me.  and i would eat some of caleb's easter candy each time i would think about it.  his candy is now gone and let's just say he only got like 5 jellybeans.  let's also say he had like 17 eggs that were full of candy.

oh, the guilt.  the shame spiral.  i circled it round and round until 4 extra pounds and 3 days later, i finally blurt out,

"BEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU I DROPPED THE LAPTOP OFF OF MY LAP AND THE CHARGER BROKE AND I LIED TO YOU AND I'M SORRY AND I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME AND I JUST FELT LIKE A BOTARD BECAUSE I HAD JUST BROKEN THE CHARGER LIKE A MONTH AGO AND I'M SORRY AND I FELT REALLY BADLY BECAUSE I KNEW THAT IT WAS YOUR FINALS WEEK AND I'M SORRY AND I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME FOR LYING TO YOU AND I'M SORRY."

phew.

being the upstanding man that he is, he was really nice about it.  which of course sent me hunting for chocolate.  i am a sad, sad piece of work.

good thing i married a future therapist, huh?

you know, next time you agree to play this game with me i'm going to pick something other than truth.  i guess i should start working off all of this candy so that at least my neighbors won't barf up their dinner as i streak past them.

it's good to be back, my blogging friends.  good to be back.