on how pinterest is the new blogging and where i channel kirsten dunst channeling marie antoinette.

so it's not a secret that bloggers are a dying breed.  well, some of them aren't.  the famous ones with a bajillion followers that might be making a small income and are writing books and such, i'm sure they're around to stay.  


but little by little, i've seen a lot of my personal friends dwindle off their blogs. and i admit that even i have done this.  not because i've wanted to, i am still living life as a continual blog post, thinking through scenarios and creating words to write to make them come alive.  but what i am lacking is time, in a serious way.  ben is gone almost every night, and i've worked out a system so that every night, each kid gets about 30 minutes of one-on-one time with me during our bedtime routine.  once they're in bed, i clean up the house and then i start in on writing articles and doing video blogs for my work, usually around 10 pm.  at some point ben comes home, we fill each other in on the details of our day, and i go to bed around midnight or 1 a.m.  and by that point, my brain is fuzzy and fried and the words have mushed together and are no longer creative, or funny, they are just words that no longer form into coherent thoughts. 


i miss blogging, i miss writing in a way i can't describe.  


blogging has been my space to record some of my most insightful thoughts, some of my most painful memories, some of my most fearful moments as a young mother, and some of the most blessed and rewarding minutes of my life.  it has helped me to remember, to be both introspective and keep my perspective.  to look at this past journey of 5 years and see my own spiritual, mental and physical evolution.  recorded moments of my children that i would have never really focused in on otherwise.  


i have heard the phrase "live in the moment" so many times, and how some mothers have expressed that blogging has taken away from their ability to do this...because it is time-consuming.  or time wasting.  but i completely disagree.  everyone chooses to "waste time" somewhere....television, music, reading, exercise, sewing, shopping, eating, traveling.  any of these things can be a waste of time if they are not enriching our lives somehow.




so blogging taking away from my ability to live in the moment?  it has done the opposite for me.   it has heightened the good and the bad, the beautiful and the heart-wrenching.  as crazy as it sounds, colors are richer, and emotions are deeper because of it.  because i am constantly aware of what is going on in my little life, constantly snapping pictures, remembering phrases and looks and tiny details, down to the very eyelashes of my children.  like when i'm walking into a room to find leah randomly sitting with a piece of cheese on her face, a moment i would have laughed at but most likely not have reached for the camera.  

or hilarious exchanges with ben that otherwise would have been forgotten.  or moments where i feel love so deeply for these 4 people in my inner circle and i can express it without just feeling it and having the moment gone the next minute.  and i am so glad that we get to have these recorded moments of our lives that are passing by too quickly. 


last night i went through our private blog, the one i started in 2007 while we were living in north carolina, working living and working at a group home with a load of crazy teenagers and an even bigger load of adventures that nobody in their right mind wanted to have.  not only did i read about our surreal experiences there, but i also read all of the hilarious and supportive comments of my blogging friends around the world.  and yes, i can say world, because one of them lived in korea, and one in china.  :)  


and you know what?  i missed it.  nope, not the group home, not for a second.  what do you think i am, insane?  what i missed was that connection with my friends and family through writing down experiences. 


i also miss my friends.  yes we have facebook and can follow each other on pinterest, but for me it's not the same.  and it's not just because i love to write, though i do.  it's why i was an english major in college for a year.  but i also miss it because i love to read about my friends.  isn't there something odd about how now most blogs that i read are complete strangers?  there's something amazing about that too, don't get me wrong.  reading the words of someone who i have never met and they just get me in a way that even i can't describe myself?  it's so fulfilling. and there are some blogging friends who i've never met but actually consider and call my "friends" because of the back-and-forth exchanges we've found through blogging.  


but with my friends, who now live spread across the country... i guess when this all started, this blog rage, i had romantic visions of all of us growing old together, blogging about our children's high school graduations, and weddings, and grandchildren, and retirement, and adult diapers.  i may or may not have envisioned myself laying in my bed at the old folk's home, with my dentures next to my computer, my arthritic fingers slowly typing about the featured split pea soup for lunch, and how my body is falling apart but my brain and spirit are still alive, wondering what heaven will be like and being able to still reach across the virtual world to find a connection with a loved one who is not sitting in that lonely, sterile room with me, making me feel so much less alone.  


a couple of weeks ago while i was at work, we were talking about how blogging seems like it's going out of style.  like it's sooooo 2007-2011. suddenly pinterest emerged, and blogging became the red-headed stepchild, the neglected one, the less exciting, less thrilling, less crafty one.  


not a good move for me, career-wise, seeing that i was hired as their company blogger.  hmm. 


but where did we go, friends?  is it because i've been seriously lazy about commenting lately?  if you think no one is listening, are you quitting?  are you too busy?  or is blogging really dead?  or just for those few left who have become/are trying to become successful through theirs?  


well, to that i say NAY.  

in my best kirsten-dunst-acting-like-marie-antoinette voice, 

to that i say

"LET THEM STILL BLOG!"  

so how about this.  


i'll blog if you will.  


deal?  
   

what's been going on around here? a whole lot of nothin'.

it's "fall break" for caleb at school, which has brought about several things:

a)  my indignation.  where in the H was my fall break when i was in school?  i sure could have used that back then.  5 less days of junior high?  where do i sign?

b)  my laziness.  i pretty much stayed in my pj's until about 2pm today.  because i had no other school moms to impress.  ha!  like i ever get dressed for them anyway.  95% of the mornings i walk caleb proudly up to the kindergarten gate in my flannel pjs & old t-shirt.  i think once i may have had toothpaste covering up a lovely facial blemish.  { just wanting them to get to know the real me, you know.  no pretensions.  or i'm just lazy.}

c)  my redemption.  i now need to redeem myself for the rest of the week with crafts, adventures about the town and fabulously creative ideas.  so that i can still be in the running to become america's next top mom.

d)  my never-ending gratitude.  the un-fantastically hot state of arizona decided to have a pow-wow with whatever PTA committee started this "fall break" and drop its temps below the 100's at the same time.  NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON, ARIZONA.  IT'S ONLY MID-OCTOBER.  now if only we could get the community pool owners to re-open their dang swimming pools we would be set.  why are they closed anyway?  who thought this was a good idea?  who in their right mind is not still sweating in 97 degrees?  afraid hypothermia might set in once you reach the lukewarm chlorinated water?  brrrrrrrr.

e)  my lack of imagination.  basically this is just a post about how there's not a whole lot going on around here.  part of me wants to change that, but another part of me says "live it up!  lay around!" so i guess we'll just see who i listen to.

happy fall break everyone!

on the fence.

i am about 99% sure that this posting will display to any readers out there just what a loon i am, and how much i don't have everything together.

i was thinking tonight about how much of a waffler i am. waffler, is that a word? well anyway, i waffle. go back and forth. change my mind. {type A people would describe this as flaky...which i would agree with wholeheartedly when i am in my type A kind of mood, however i seem to flit in and out of that pretty quickly too. so who am i to judge the flakes? i'm a flaky flake, which is probably the worst kind. if you are one, at least own it, right? jump in with both feet in the flaky ocean water. don't dip your toes in at the edge just to squeal and jump back out again.}

if you couldn't tell by now, tonight i'm going to be all over the place. and no, i'm not under the influence of anything. thank you for asking.

i think what started this waffley-ness of a thought pattern was coming home from something i have not had in a long time.

3 days completely responsibility free.

on my own.

well, not on my own technically, but without my two little people and one big person whom i am lovingly and willingly tied down to for the majority of my time.

i joined some friends in utah this last weekend in hopes of going to the lilith fair concert....only to find that those in charge of this said concert had to cancel just a week before it was taking place due to lack of ticket sales. {to which i will pause to add my two cents. did you really think that adding ke$ha & rihanna to the list of lilith fair veterans was the best idea? for the record, i am pretty leery of anyone who has to put a symbol in place of a letter to up their popularity. like that symbol is compensating for something, making up for-- yes, i am saying it--talent. oh, snap! ke$ha fans (or is it ke$ha f@ns?? oh my gosh i am funny.) get your asteriks and pound sign pitchforks up! she's not quite lilith speed, peeps. let's keep it real here.}

is anybody still with me? i'm a little off my rocker, but quite enjoying myself.

back to the subject, i was pretty bugged that the concert was canceled last-minute when i already had flight plans.

luckily my fabulous friend and her amazing concert-style-living knew that there was talent still to be seen with or without the lilith fair, and we went to the brandi carlile concert. holy smokes was it amazing! that woman has chops and talent oozing from her pores. {no symbol-in-place-of-letters in her name, is there? yeah.}

i love a good concert. outdoors, not in arizona heat, sitting on blankets. it was so much fun.

i spent 3 days eating when i wanted to eat, sleeping when i wanted to sleep, and being completely irresponsible. within limits, you know.

BUT.

i came home yesterday and have been waffling ever since.

and i present to you, my compiled list so far of what i am flaky and on the fence about, in no particular order.

1) responsibility-free vacations.

pros: i stayed up until 2am, slept in until 10am. drove with the windows down and the music blasting. watched almost the entire season of "parenthood" on my laptop. took long showers, wore clothes without baby food smooshed on them. reconnected with lifelong friends, had meaningful conversations without 16 mos old/5 yr. old screeches in the background. finished an actual thought without interruptions. you get the idea.

cons: not only did i miss my kids and bearded husband like crazy, but i can't get back into the swing of life. the responsibilities are looming in front of me...unpack my suitcase, start up the laundry, scheduled dr's appointments, search for medical records, go back to the drawing board looking for a house to move into since we are now 6 weeks away from being homeless. {will get to that in a minute}

i realized today i was in full avoidance-mode. i took a nap, read to my kids, thought about all that i needed to do and didn't do any of it.

so was those 3 days off worth it?

well, i think so. let's just say ben shaved down his beard back to the scruff i adore in honor of my homecoming. that alone was worth it.

i just need to get my type-A game face on tomorrow and get crack-a-lackin' on the rest of it all.


2) moving.

pros: we are maxed out on space here in this 2 bedroom apartment that has served us well for the last couple of years. we've loved it, and have been comfortable and happy, but it's time to move on. the prospects of what could be are thrilling to me beyond measure. a neighborhood with other kids, a good school for caleb. less driving for ben. neighbors & friends for me who are under the age of 75? and space! we! need! space!

cons: finding the right combo of familyarea+price+notcrappyschooldistrict {hard to find here in AZ} + goodcommuteforben has been much trickier than i had imagined. apparently i spoke too soon when i announced to the facebook world that we were extremely excited to get a house we had fallen in love with. i guess putting down a big chunk of a deposit, being told by the management company that we had been approved, and signing a bunch of paperwork does not necessarily mean that you are in. how foolish we were to think all of that meant something....we won't make that mistake again.

so we're back to the drawing board in the search for what can get us through the next couple of years here. and i go back and forth about whether it is all worth it, or if i just need to suck it up and stay put.


3) therapy.

oh, i just realized that this might be the first time i've mentioned i'm seeing a therapist on my blog? {i remember why i thought i had already written about it....because of that big kahuna of a post that i am too flaky to post on here yet mentions it & i have read through that dang thing so many times i thought i had posted it. my B.}

so hi, my name is lynsey and i'm seeing a therapist.

go right ahead and judge, if you'd like. i am completely proud of this fact and feel no need to hide it. in fact, in my humble opinion i've always thought that everyone should see a therapist at one point or another. {and this was before i knew i was married to a future psychologist, and before i even thought about going to a therapist myself. so there!}

everybody, i don't care who you are....everybody has stuff. and i think we "deal with it" and "work through it" and "handle it" but to be honest, we don't always do the best job on our own. i guess my thinking is, what can it hurt?

for me, therapy has been therapeutic.

deep, huh? i know.

no really though, i love it. to have someone on the outside of my life, without preconceived notions and without the already-set opinions help me figure things out and develop more healthy habits? serve me up some of that with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. yes, please.

so why am i on the fence about therapy?

well.

pros: i love that therapy causes me to be completely honest about who i am. to dig deep, figure out what i'm really about. who i really want to be, and how to help me get there quicker than i could by doing it on my own. i hate that there is such a stigma about going to therapy and i guess that's why i don't really care who knows about it. let's blow the lid off this puppy! it's bringing more balance to my personal life, married life, and role as a mother. i'm changing negative thought patterns and realizing my potential. that's right, watch out world! one day i'm going to be magnificent.

cons: because hot diggity dog, therapy....if it's done correctly and honestly....is hard. it isn't just the layonmycouchandtellmeaboutyourchildhood stuff. it's looking at yourself from the inside out with a magnifying glass. talking it through, inspecting it all in detail and then deciding what to do with what has come up. change it, or accept and love it, or let it go.

so last week i changed from one-on-one therapy over to group therapy. with a bunch of other women that i can tell i'm going to like. BUT holy canoly, it's going to push me to my limits. you might be surprised to hear that i'm shy. yes! it's true! in a group of women that i don't know, i hold back, sit tight and try not to be noticed too much. if i have one person that is there with me it's a different story. i can let loose and be myself.

it's going to be hard for me to open up and admit my struggles and shortcomings and become vulnerable. but luckily, they will all be doing the same thing. and i think that's what will be so awesome about the group therapy setting, because we're fighting the feelings of inadequacy that "if they really knew me they wouldn't like me" and instead accepting each other for everything.

sound like fun to anyone else???

it is, actually. hard work like this is completely worth it.


4) staying up late.


pros: because just look at this completely non-coherent posting! do you think this type of rambling magic involving the written word can happen during the middle of the day when my brain is intact? to that i say nay.

cons: the repercussions of my crack-of-dawn-rising children. tomorrow is swim class again where i can't be in a tired funk. leah is a swim-toy monger and tries to steal all of the other kids' toys any chance she can get. i've got to bring a sharp mind and quick reflexes in order to avoid the multiple apologies i will have to serve to the parents of the victims she snags the floatie rings and squeaky animals from.

5) writing posts like these where i don't make much sense and am extremely overly-opinionated.


pros: sometimes it feels good to not hold back, you know?

cons: not only am i 99% sure that anyone making it through this is going to think i'm a loon, but i'm also 99% sure that i will have writer's remorse.


however, i'll be too busy unpacking my suitcase, searching for new homes, having an anxiety attack thinking about talking in front of a group of strangers, fending off leah's grabby swim toy hands and trying to sneak in a nap somewhere in the middle of it all to be able to take it back.



so with that being said,

lyn$ey out.


***also, this picture isn't mine. i tried to find it again in order to give the real photographer credit, but can't. so if anyone can figure it out, let me know!

regression.

binkie, bink, pacifier, pacey, nuk, plug.....

call it what you will.

neither of my children caught onto the "binkie movement." believe me, in those first 3 months of their colic & constant screaming, i tried. i fought the good fight of buying every brand of binkie i could find, and would try the trick of giving a couple of mylicon gas drops and-then-shove-the-binkie-in-as-fast-as-i-could technique to get them to latch on.

but when they just didn't want them, i decided to give up. i've seen many 4 year olds still sucking on a bink to make me not push the issue. let's be honest here friends, i judged.

also, many years ago we baby-sat overnight for some friends. the cutest baby girl who was a little over a year and easy as pie...until it came to staying asleep. over and over and over again she would wake up and cry, and ben or myself would stumble into her room to put her binkie back in her mouth and have her go right back to sleep.

finally ben's sleep deprivation couldn't take anymore. i woke up at 6am to find myself alone in the bed. wondering where he had wandered off to, i walked into the other bedroom to see poor ben asleep kneeling over the bed with his face resting on one arm and with his other arm stretched out, with one finger holding the binkie into place.

it was then that i vowed that my kids would never sleep with a binkie.

now, here's something awesome.

anytime i ever uttered those words, my kids will never...they ended up doing exactly what i so self-assuredly announced aloud as a not-yet parent that they would never do.

caleb was each of those my kids will never all bundled up into one little package. {thanks for the quick lesson in humility, buddy!}

oh my goodness i learned not to judge parents or their children.

anywho.

about 3 weeks ago i was cleaning out a whole bunch of stuff and leah was hanging out with me, making a mess of any attempt at organization i had. she found her old binkies, and popped one in her mouth. she walked around with it for almost an hour. i found it funny that she was now interested in it and thought i'd wait to see how long the fascination lasted.

well.

do these pictures give you any idea?







um, yeah.

ben thinks i am nuts and that it's ridiculous to still let her have it because he's worried that she's going to grow an attachment for it now, during a time when most parents are starting to wean their toddlers off of it.

but guess what?

i totally love it!

leah is not a lady of few words. she was an early talker and an even earlier shrieker. the girl loves to yell aggressively for no apparent reason whenever it strikes her fancy. sometimes it's cute, but more often than not it can be grating on the nerves and make phone conversations difficult. she yells at caleb if he's bothering her, or sometimes just looking at her wrong. she yells at the birds flying by outside the window and at her stuffed hippo whenever she feels the need.

so if there's a few minutes when i need a little bit of silence?

yep, i totally pop the binkie in her mouth. {i will give you the condensed version of my "mother of the year speech" later.} she is so funny because as soon as she's got the binkie she becomes all snugglie. she waddles over to her crib & snags her blankie and lays down on a "piwwow" {pillow} and is just quiet and content.

is this what i've been missing out on??? what was i thinking? binkies are magical! {only half-joking here.}

so yes i am letting my daughter regress a little bit back into her childhood. or infancy. or whatever.

i haven't let her take it to sleep, and we're still in a good place with the bink where she doesn't freak out if i take it out of her mouth.

so go on, judge me. i'm not ashamed.

but be careful what you say, karma comes back to bite!

queen of hearts

i don't' know what's been going on with this gal lately, but she's been refusing to sleep.

she normally goes to bed anytime between 7-7:30 and wakes up around 8am.  naps for about two hours during the middle of the day.  

for the past week she has been up in her crib until about 11:00 each night.  11!  that makes for 4 hours of play time in the crib.  and i don't go in there because once i do, it sets off the wailing and gnashing of teeth, but i sure feel like a negligent mom leaving her in there.  she has books and stuffed animals to play with and she sounds like she's having a great time....

but why isn't she sleeping??

i looked up how much sleep a lady her age should be getting each night and before these past few days of dabbling in the night owl life she was right on target.  i tried keeping her up later, having her nap earlier in the day....nothing is working.

anyone have any idea what's going on?  anyone else have their 15 month old do the same thing?

on becoming proactiv.

i wasn't going to do this.  i didn't want to, really.  

i'm not her:

or her:

 

or her:

 

or her:

but,

i am me.

{i know what you're thinking and you're absolutely right!  those ladies don't hold a candle to my beauty.}

and i'm not sure if i ever struggled with "adult acne" per se, but speaking quite honestly here...i can't remember a day when i didn't have at least one pimple.  and speaking even more honestly, i usually would have about 3-5 pimples on my face at any given time.  sometimes more, sometimes less.

for the past 8 years, poor ben has endured many of my rants, vents and more often than not--whines regarding this problem.

they often sounded something like this,

{enter whiny voice here. if you need an impression, call ben.  he will be happy to oblige.  his phone number is:  920-378-likeiwouldputhisnumberonthisblog}

"oohhhhhhhhhhh, life is sooooooooo unnnnnfaaaaairrrrrrrr.  wwwwwhhhhhhheeeennnn am  i not going to have any zzzzzzziiiiiiittttttssssssss?"

 

about 3 years ago, when ben was only 5 years into the 8 years of my whining, he said that women at his {then} workplace all swore by proactiv.  but being the stubborn fool that i was, i thought that my situation wasn't "extreme" enough to need proactive.  

cut to 3 years later, i'm online signing up for my new proactiv account.  i was skeptical, but was willing to give it a try.  i wanted to use it for at least a full month, to make sure i was using it through that lovely week.....where hormones....are more present....than the other 3 weeks of the month.

and what did i think?  

well here i am 6 weeks later, and just ordered my second set.  {i actually only wash my face with it once a day, so it lasted longer than the normal.}

and i LOVE it.  i go to swim lessons with the kids, i've gone to the store, and out & about completely make-up free.  and completely pimple free. 

am i getting anything from writing this?

{ummmm, did i mention that i'm not any of those above girls?}  

no i'm not.  no compensation, no referral discounts.  nothing.  i just wanted to share it with any of you out there who have struggled with the same thing that i have.  occasional pimples, occasional break-outs.  nothing extreme, but enough to be completely annoying.  

sometimes i just need someone i know personally to tell me that a product works in order for me to take the plunge, so that's what i'm doing. 

and as a side note:  yes i have had to tell ben {repeatedly} that he was right, and i should have listened sooner.  and quite honestly i'm more than happy to do it to make up for all of the unnecessary whining. 

so to have it in writing....  

dear ben, my darling husband, 

you were right.  i was wrong.  and i should have listened sooner.  and i will listen better the next time you suggest something.  {unless it's about how to do my hair, or decorate our apartment, or dress our children.  because come on, let's be rational.}

love, your clear-skinned-whine-free {about this anyway :)} wife




***p.s. just in case you're worried about trying it & then having to commit to it being sent to you every month, i bought mine first off of amazon.com, from an individual one-time seller.  it didn't have all of the amazing perks that come from ordering straight from the website {a travel-size kit or an extra moisturizer}, and would recommend doing it that way for first-time users. 

blogging about blogging.

so i've been thinking about this one for a while now.

it might turn into a vent.

it might turn into a rambling tangent. (i know, i know. this one is more likely.)

it might be offensive.

it might make you agree, or not agree.

i'm just forewarning you that there may be danger ahead...i don't really know since i'm just going to start typing and see what happens.

so anyway, read with caution. or just ignore this. either way, you've been warned.



i have heard several friends at one time or another say to me that they were no longer going to read blogs because they become depressing. that everyone (generally speaking here) posts about how WONDERFUL! life is. and how FABULOUS! their marriage is. and how BEAUTIFUL! their children are. how CRAFTY! they are. what great and marvelous CHEFS! they've turned into.

and that it's depressing enough to these friends that they want to swear-off blogging for a while.

and then the comments. ohhhhhh, the comments. why in the world are some people basing whether or not they feel fulfilled for the day on how many comments they've received???

why do comments affect a person's self-esteem? why do we let others' blogs affect our self-esteem?

here is how i feel about it, and about blogging in general.

i started our blog in 2007 when we were at a group home full of troubled teenagers and i felt that aside from ben and our co-workers, i had no outlet. i lay awake at night disturbed by whatever had gone on that day, and was trying desperately to fight away anxiety-induced nightmares that one of the kids had hopped in bed between us while holding a knife to kill us.

pretty, no?

so i started writing. and the more i wrote, the more i could see the humor in a humor-less situation. and i felt better. i began sleeping better and getting through some days with the single thought that i could blog about the trauma of the day later to relieve some of the stress. so i kept it up.

and as blogs began to catch on like wildfire i was so excited! to be able to keep in touch with some of my family and friends who were across the country from me pretty much saved me from losing my sanity while finishing out the year. i could look at pictures of family vacations, of new homes and new babies and keep tabs on a world outside of the chaos i was living.

sad to say, but it became my social life. i didn't have the opportunity to go out with friends or to go on dates with my husband during that year. there were times when i felt like i was a total loser because of how much i looked forward to blogging, but the more i think about it....the more grateful i am that at least i had it to take my mind off of things and to be able to vent and have others read about a little of what we were going through.

when we moved to arizona it was hot, i was pregnant and i didn't know anyone. i again found my outlet through writing and keeping in touch with friends through blogging.

most of my posts were reminders of how good things really were, and brought me out of my loneliness and the heat and put my life back in perspective.

and that is what it does for me now. puts things in perspective.

is my life perfect?

absolutely not. whose is?

everybody, EVERYBODY has something.

but is it a good life?

absolutely.

do i have a perfect marriage?

no. we have our good days, our bad days, our days spent annoyed with each other.

but do i have a husband who loves me, is committed to our family and who treats me well? do we work hard at taking care of our marriage?

definitely.

am i the perfect mother?

(good grief, is there such a thing?)

NO. i'm not even close! i question my mothering skills all of the time. being quite honest, i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing! i take it one day at a time, just like the majority of moms i know. i do the best that i can. i read, i pray, i feel guilty, i second-guess myself.

am i a completely secure and happy individual?

ummmm. did you read this post?

no. i struggle with the same things that the majority of women struggle with. self-image issues, inadequacy, feeling like i don't do enough and i should be doing more.

but.

like i mentioned before, when i blog, it seems to help with these things. it puts my life back into perspective. makes me realize that i have an enormous amount of blessings. and that i can choose to feel inadequate about the fact that i haven't done the dishes in 2 days or haven't cooked a meal in about 4 days, or i can focus on the sweet and funny things in life.

but just because i write about this stuff it doesn't mean my life is perfect.

i try to be realistic and also write about times when i'm frustrated and bummed, or my vacations aren't going very well, or i have had it up to there! with my kids, or i'm completely insecure.

i do think it's great to be honest and write about the hard times...but i also think that anyone who blogged about that stuff all of the time would probably not only depress anyone who was reading, but also eventually end up depressing themselves.

i think that we as women need to stop comparing ourselves to what is portrayed by others and instead realize that blogs are just that. they are what people want to portray about themselves and their life. it doesn't mean that life is actually all rainbows and bunnies and kids holding hands in the backseat. those are moments. and some choose to focus on those and that is awesome.

but my personal preference is to read blogs where people are realistic. they acknowledge that life can be tough and people go through hard things but that there are also beautiful way to look at hard situations.

i also love that through blogging we can find support. we can realize that we are not alone, that there are other people...sometimes strangers... who feel exactly the same way that we do. through others baring their souls about tragedy or trauma it causes me to pull out of myself and remember all that i have. to be a better mother, a better wife, a better person. to take better care of myself and of my life.

for me, this is a blog about my life. the good, the bad and the ugly. and hopefully the funny.

i turn these bad boys into books that i can look back at and remember the struggles as well as the joys. there are things that i feel are too personal to share to random strangers who happen upon this blog page so i am cautious about what i share here, and things that any family member...like my kids when they're grown...wouldn't be embarrassed to read, or have read about themselves.

so anyway.

um.

(this is the part where i just re-read what i've written and realize how random and all over the place this is but have no idea how to re-write it to be more coherent.)

in a nutshell:

let's be realistic! support each other! stop comparing ourselves! realize we all have problems! we all have blessings! you're great! i like you! let's be friends! forgive my ill-written tangent!

wow i'm a botard.

okay, that's all.

amen.

products that save my bacon daily...

1) the boon spoon.



whoever invented this, i would like to give them a smooch. well, at least blow them a kiss from a few feet away. this baby feeding spoon rocks! you just unscrew it, dump in the rice cereal/baby food/ yogurt, close it up and it seriously helps with mess. so your kids don't end up looking like this:



i love that i can just put pop the cap on and put it in the fridge if leah hasn't finished all of the food, and is GREAT to travel with. seriously. get one.

2) the stick vacuum.

a friend blogged about this several months ago and said that she loved it for her apartment and i had no idea how much it would simplify my life until i got one. i thought just having the big ol' honkin regular vacuum was fine. but enter leah, who started crawling at 6 months and wanted to pretty much chew on everything and anything she could get her hands on...including the day-old mac & cheese noodles that had fallen below caleb's chair.

i love that it's lightweight (in case you have to hold a 25 lb. child at the same time), quiet (in case that 25 lb. child is taking a nap when you need to clean the floor), and works great on tile & linoleum (in case the 25 lb. child likes to also venture into the kitchen and entryway for new crunchy crumbs to munch on). make sure to buy the cord-free with a rechargeable battery. just to make things a little more simple.

ben thought it was an 'unnecessary purchase' until he actually started using it.

and the best part??

it's also easy enough for a 4 year old to use. caleb is now in charge of the morning vacuuming and he absolutely loves it and does a great job.






this isn't the exact one that i have, but it's even a little cooler because just look at that handle! so nice for under a table, couch or bed.

***also make sure to buy one with a swivel-head. it turns sideways or flips around backwards. genius!

3) bumble & bumble's surf spray.

for a gal who has whined about her hair waaaay too many times, i finally found something that helped me out. i have naturally wavy/curly/frizzy/not cute hair. if you think i am lying, it's because i have to work hard to get it to look normal. i've made this reference before, as an analogy of what i look like if i go to bed with my hair wet:


ben has witnessed this event a couple of times in our marriage. the one word that came out of his mouth when he saw me?

"woah."

and not in a good way.

so when i got a coupon for 30% off, i decided to try out a new product. and seriously, the surf spray has been awesome. i can get out of the shower, put in some leave-in conditioner, spritz on some surf spray, scrunch my hair a bit in my hands, and wha-lah!

the result goes a little something like this:



not the best picture of it, but you get the idea. it has simplified my life so that on those days that i don't have the time to blow-dry and style, this stuff saves the day.

4) the magic treehouse books on cd.



these little babies have saved my sanity in a major way. every day caleb has an hour of quiet time....and i always plan it around leah's nap time. since we don't have a yard he can just go out to, or a big toy room, we set him up in his room to play by himself and listen to some books on cd.

do you want to know how this started?

he got one in a wendy's kids meal and we turned it on in the car. i thought he would be bored out of his gourd. but instead he loved it! so i bought some more off of amazon and now we have quite a collection. caleb loves hearing about the adventures of jack and annie, who visit different countries, solve riddles and always find their way back home. (it kind of freaks me out when i come into his room and he has memorized all 10 chapters of each book and is talking along with the cd's. but it also lets me know he's actually listening.)

so he gets to pick out whichever 2 cd's he wants to listen to for the day during his quiet time, and he knows that quiet time is over when the cd's are done. and i get an hour of peace and quiet to myself, while he's getting to use his imagination. a win-win.

5) downy wrinkle releaser.

my friend marie blogged about this, and as a woman who HATES to iron, i had to give it a try. it SERIOUSLY works like magic. many a sunday morning i'm running around trying to get myself and the kids ready (when ben works overnight) and i'll realize that i've forgotten to iron my skirt or caleb's shirt or leah's dress. as long as the fabric isn't too heavy (cotton is great. denim? not so much.), all you do is spray this lovely product on, smooth out the wrinkles and wait for about 5 minutes for it to dry. magic.

so in church i can loudly sing, "glory glory halleluia!" without having to worry that everyone is staring at my frumped-up, wrinkly skirt.

6) lidocaine prilocaine.



i know there are many out there who are anti-vaccinations, but when caleb contracted meningitis at 2 months old and had repeated seizures for 3 days because of this illness, we got on the pro-vaccine bandwagon.

my kids get pretty fussy after the shots and usually have one rough night of sleep. but the hardest part for me?

the initial shots.

when my friend aubrey told me that she uses this lidocaine cream to numb the area on her daughter eve's arms or legs before she gets her shots...and that eve doesn't cry or whimper or anything now when she gets them...i knew i wanted to give it a try. (FYI, aubrey's mom is a nurse and was the one who told aubrey about it.)

i asked my pediatrician about it, and questioned why it isn't offered to all kids before they get their shots to prevent pain? he answered me that he felt it didn't work, because the shot actually goes into the muscle and still causes pain, so it really wouldn't help anything.

i asked him for a prescription anyway.

and i'm here to tell you.

it does work.

i gave it a try on 9 month old leah after i got the prescription, rubbing the cream on a couple of hours before her appointment. when we came in and i told the nurse and the doctor that i had put it on her, they both looked at me like i was that psycho-over-the-top-can't-bare-to-see-her-kids-in-pain mother. both told me not to be surprised that it wouldn't work.

after her 6 month shots, leah howled for about 10 minutes after the shots were administered.

but at her 9 month shots, with the lidocaine?

she didn't even flinch. seriously. i realized as the nurse was putting on the band-aid that i had been holding my breath, and i let out a big sigh.

the nurse remarked that she had no idea that it would actually work. i told her that since she now sees that it does work, why not let the doctor know and start recommending it to parents?

so just in case they're not, i decided to. it's awesome stuff.

***i'm not sure how well it works on the deeper-muscle shots like the MMR because leah hasn't had that shot yet, but i do know that it works on the routine 2/4/6/9 mos shots. at least for us.

***make sure that you ask your pharmacist or pediatrician how to use it properly. it needs to be put on about 2 hours before the shots, and also needs to be wrapped in saran wrap & taped. also make sure to find out exactly where to put it on. you don't want to be numbing up parts that don't need it. anyway, just ask the experts. they'll tell you.


7) eye concealer by smashbox.



i have no idea how sleepless moms look so good without this stuff. i know for me, when i haven't gotten enough sleep, the first place that shows it is my eyes. i'm not the best at accessorizing outfits, but i do know enough about it to say that sporting dark under-eye circles is not the way to go.

the lovely sephora worker tried this on me after i told her that i needed a miracle cure for my sleepless-nights eyes. while she didn't take me up on my offer to have her come and stay awake at my place every night while i slept, she did offer this product. as she put it on, i watched myself transform.

who was this bright-eyed creature looking back at me in the mirror? and what is wrong with her hair? (this was before the surf spray purchase.) i bought it right away, and have loved it.

because even if my tramillion yawns give away my exhaustion,

at least i look rested and refreshed, right?

yep, it's pricey. but the good news is, i bought mine almost a year ago and still have it. i don't use it every day, but you only need to use such a small amount to make it work that it lasts forever. also, sephora and ulta are constantly offering coupons. so take advantage of their deals.

so there are some things that i love, that have made my life better and more simple. and no, i didn't get paid for blogging about any of these things. but if anyone wants to offer me money for writing this posting i would absolutely be happy to accept!

now.

what are some of your favorite things??

seriously, i love hearing from other people what works for them.

so blog about it & let me know so i can check it out!

california day #7, also known as a dedicatory post to the ultrasound tech who earned himself a cold fold-out chair for his eternity in the fiery place

i realize that i'm pretty much all over the place with my postings, but what can i say? i'm a random gal.

i wrote earlier about one story about our trip in december to california, and i figured i'd share another, mainly because i can now find the humor in it.

but at the time it happened? not so much.

it was the day before we were leaving, and what should have been my 3rd day in disneyland. we had also made a little baby-sitting swaparoo deal with carrie & troy:

(a visual for your pleasure. they are even less normal than they look in this picture.)

where one couple would put all of the kids to bed while the other couple was able to go back to the park and actually ride some adult rides. (not that the 20 times on the "bug's life" slower-than-molasses toddler train isn't a blast.)

on the first night, we had watched carrie & troy's kiddos & the 3rd night they were planning on taking care of our hooligans.

but unfortunately, i woke up on disney-day#3 with some pain in my stomach. i got up and got ready anyway, and ate a little breakfast.

big mistake.

as soon as i put something in my stomach it was rejected and i ran for the bathroom. the sharp, upper abdomen pains didn't go away after the food found its way back out of my esophagus. in fact they increased.

i came out of the bathroom, told ben that i wasn't feeling well and he should take the kids without me, and hopefully i would be able to meet up with them later. i was bummed, and hoped it would pass.

but 7 hours later, i was still in a crazy amount of pain and running to the bathroom about every 20-40 minutes. there was nothing i could do once the stabbing pain would start and i had experienced this same illness right before thanksgiving. same pains, in the same place. and they were only getting worse.

so when ben called in the afternoon, i asked him to call our insurance to see if we had out of state coverage. i didn't go to the dr. the first time i had gotten sick in november, but was starting to wonder if these were gallstones or something.

unfortunately the only thing our insurance covered was an out of state ER visit. well i felt that was a bit dramatic, so i decided to just wait it out.

ben and the kids came home that evening, the kids ate dinner and went to bed. i was still sick. and by this point, add a bit teary to the story because it had taken MONTHS to save up for this dang trip and i had missed out on an entire day of fun, not to mention what should have been a date night with ben.

at about 8:30, i couldn't stand it any longer. it wasn't just the pain and the barfing, but also the knowledge that we were leaving first thing in the morning for a 6 hour ride home. so if there was something that i could do to feel better before hopping in that car, i wanted to do it. and take 10 of them.

finally at 9pm, i had had enough. the kids were asleep, we left the adjoining door of our hotel room open for carrie & troy and left for the ER.

i have been a part of many an ER visit and i know that the term "emergency" is used loosely around there.

about 2 hours later, i was finally seen by a doctor who said that i needed to get an ultrasound done to see if there were any gallstones or kidney stones.

and this is where our story begins. (all of that rambling was just backstory info. bet you're wishing i had told you that sooner, huh?)

the ultrasound tech came sauntering up with a wheelchair, looking a lot like this guy:



mustache included.

i got in the wheelchair and we took off! meaning he went fast. a little too fast, because one of the wheels caught mid-spin and the wheelchair lurched forward, almost dumping me out of it.

ultrasound tech dropped the F-bomb and slowed down. at this point i realized that i had more to fear then the stomach pains i had been enduring.

i lay down on the bed, and since i was merely clothed in a hospital gown & my birthday suit, ultrasound tech put a blanket over my legs so i could expose my stomach without exposing the rest of my goods.

as he went to squirt the freezing cold ultrasound jelly on my stomach he looked down and said, and i quote:

"woah! just had a baby, huh?"

ummmm.

huh?

it took me a minute to figure out what he was implying.


i looked around like this:




and then like this:




and when i realized that he was referring to my stretch marks, looked like this:



and this:




{ now here's the deal on stretch marks. i think they are totally lame. not in the fact that when we as women get pregnant, get them, but more in the fact that it seems like there is such a stigma attached to them.

the women who get them (myself included) seem to just want to DIE the minute they see one forming. not all women, i'm generalizing here. we pull out our cocoa butter and oils and lather ourselves up in hopes of stopping the metaphorical tear in our nylons.

and the women who don't get them seem wear it like a badge of honor that their skin is still unscathed and they are just born blessed, lucky and chosen. (again, generalization.)

and some women? they. just. don't. care. and these my friends, are the women to be jealous of.

here is how i feel about stretch marks in general, and mine in particular.

when i was pregnant with caleb, i didn't get one stretch mark until the day he was born. then i think because he hadn't dropped at all and my body just went from:

hey! i'm carrying 17 extra pounds around! no big deal!

to:

holy mother of pearl! there is something inside of me and moving very quickly in the southern direction and i have no control over this! let's stretch out to make room for the party going on!

i remember the utter and sheer disappointment i felt when i came home from the hospital with four small stretch marks on my lower abdomen.

when i was pregnant with leah, i vowed to not have the same thing happen. but right around 8 1/2 mos along, my body disagreed. i ended up with about 6 more stretch marks, all again on my lower abdomen. none of them even reaching my belly button. i realized i was still disappointed about getting them, and decided to change my frame of mind.

so. now how do i feel about them?

well in my quest to figure out why we as women judge each other so harshly, and hold each other up to an insanely high standard...

i own my stretch marks.

i'd like to say i love them, but i haven't quite gotten there yet.

however, i love my children, and they are the cause of the map on my skin and if i had to trade the smoothness of yore for the silvery lines of today i wouldn't.

they signify the journey. so i own them. and quite frankly, if you have them, i think you should too! }

back to the story. there was a purpose for telling you that.

so when ultrasound tech said,

"woah! just had a baby, huh?"

all of that "i own my stretch marks" stuff flew out the window. i became completely and utterly self-conscious.

"well, uh, yeah, uh, a while ago, uh," i stammered.

AND THEN HE SAYS,

"jeez. must have been some baby." emphasis on the some.




HUH?

excuse me?


he did NOT just say that to me!


so i had gone to flustered and self-conscious to ticked off and indignant.


"what is that supposed to mean?" i asked him. with a tone.

even though he was an idiot, he realized his mistake.

"oh, um. nothing. so what's going on with you? why are we doing an ultrasound?" he changed the subject.

"well i've been having some really severe sharp stomach pains and the doctor just wanted to check and make sure i didn't have gallstones or something," i answered, just trying to make it through the rest of the ultrasound without taking the jelly out of his lame hands and squirting it into his eyeballs.

he started laughing.

"what's so funny?" i asked.

"gall stones? doubtful. you're caucasian. my guess is that you ate some spicy mexican food last night and can't handle it." and kept laughing.

that was IT.



"you know, it's really going to SUCK to be YOU if these stomach pains turn out to be pancreatic cancer or something and you just sat here laughing at me in pain," i retorted.

he stopped laughing. cleared his throat. ahem. ahem. aheeeem.

"well, no gall stones," he said quietly.

"fabulous."

my tone was icy.

he wheeled me back at a normal pace in silence.



now i ask you.

what kind of an ultrasound tech asks these sort of questions and makes these sort of comments?

that's right. the kind that earns themselves a cold fold-out chair for their eternity in the fiery place.



mmm-hmm.


{ p.s. no, i did not have pancreatic cancer. the doctor had said that when i got back home i needed to be checked for an ulcer or hernia. no i haven't gotten checked for those. because i chalked the experience up to food poisoning (which my bro-in-law also came down with the next day). caused by what? spicy chinese food. take that ultrasound tech! }