where am i tonight?

at home? nope.

that's right. in a hotel room. by myself.

why?

well, because after the california trip i've been feeling a bit like this:

which isn't good for anyone, because that leaves my hair looking like this:

i came home frazzled and sooooooo tired of being tired. and it just felt like i couldn't catch a break. so for my christmas present i asked ben for one thing:

a good night's rest.

just one.

and yesterday he surprised me by telling me he had gotten a sweet deal (think less than a pair of shoes, ladies! a cheap pair of shoes.) on a hotel room for just little old me.

i was so excited, especially after being woken up by caleb last night at 2am letting me know he was hungry, then 4am letting me know he needed to go potty, then 7:30am letting me know he was ready to wake up now.

which made the idea of a night away with me sleeping in tomorrow morning so much more appealing!

so now i'm here, and feeling a little bit lost as to what to do. you mean, just sit around and watch a movie? there's no laundry to do? no dishes to wash?

just me and some chocolates?

the hotel room is beeeeyoootiful. sitting in 25 acres of loveliness that i didn't know existed in arizona. a big puffy bed, soft sheets, bottled water, a jetted tub.

i almost don't recognize this girl:

who has a few more hours to figure out who she is again. not just the titles i have been wearing for years:

wife.

mother.

maid.

cook. (well, we use that term loosely around my place.)

friend.

sister.

daughter.

but also the girl who's been existing beneath the surface of those titles.

it's not that i don't enjoy my life. i do enjoy it.

in fact, i love it.

but there are times when i feel like i'm being swallowed up by it.

it was hard for me to ask for this. i felt guilty. selfish. like i should be fine with the way things are going and that the feeling of being stretched too thin will go away or get better.

but the truth is that things weren't getting better. each time i thought i could get extra rest, or enjoy a couple of hours to myself, something would come up. and i was finding myself pushing back my needs and my "me time" to someone or something that needed me more.

so i'm here to say to any of you out there reading this:

it's okay to ask for something for yourself.

whether it's a longer shower, or time to get ready without a baby trying to eat your blush brush, or an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill.

or one good night's sleep.

and if you have married someone who not only gets you, but wants you to get back to yourself,

they'll surprise you and let you do just that.