the lack of privacy

can you see what this is?

if you guessed that it is my almost 1 year old daughter's chubby fingers reaching under the bathroom door,

you are right.

leah is in this phase where she follows me everywhere. there are times when this can be extremely frustrating...



like during mornings when caleb starts talking at the crack of dawn and doesn't stop. (even when...no, especially when i am on the phone. butting into all of my conversations. who is that, mom? they want to go where? what's wrong with their car? why are they taking it to the shop? and doesn't stop until i have answered all of his questions, or i just end up quickly getting off of the phone in exasperation.)

during afternoons when i have washed my fourth load of laundry for the day and see the looming pile of clean clothes looking at me on my bed (enter maniacal laundry laughing at me here.)

or evenings when both kids are falling apart at the same time, being hungry....tired...stinky & needing baths...and i actually at times break into a sweat for pretty much an entire hour of non-stop go! go! go!

or sunday mornings when i'm trying to get ready for church and not only are my kids crawling all over me, taking my hair brush. or picking up my make-up. or ruining my deoderant. and then feeling so guilty they burst into tears. but my husband decides to come into the bathroom and take a picture of me rinsing with mouthwash, and out comes this beauty:





or just for those times,



when all i want is

one

minute

to

myself.



but most of the time,

i said MOST,

i actually like that leah does this. that for the one minute that i have to myself, i have to set her across the room and try to distract her with toys, only to hear her just seconds later outside the door. banging, and yelling "ma ma maaaaa" and see her little chubby fingers under the cracks of the door.

because i know this will not last. soon she will become more independent and desire my company less. she will learn more words from the english language. words such as, oh how about, i wish you weren't my mom anymore! spoken by her older brother just a few days ago. (why do we teach them to speak again? remind me.)

it is an exhausting but rewarding time of life. one that teaches me patience, and selflessness, and the healthy kind of selfishness (you know, asking for something before you break down and set fire to that pile of laundry. that sort of thing.)

before i know it, i will have all the time in the world to exercise whenever i want to. whenever i want to! that i can shower without having to time it with leah's naps. that i can go through the grocery store without having to teach my talkative 4 year old the "quiet game" because his endless chatter has made me forget what i am making for dinner that night.

even though those things sound nice (well, fantastic really) right now, i know i will miss these times. when i am followed, begged, hugged, pinched, kissed, chased, smacked. when i am a teacher, a chef, a maid, a nurse, a comforter, a lecturer a snuggler.


a mother.


well, i will always be that. :)

but when the days come that i forget what this stage looks like,
her little fingers under the bathroom door,

or her little diapered bum helping slam the door open the second i turn the doorknob,

or her happy face when she is able to accomplish her goal and once again be in the presence of her mom,

well.

i'm glad i will have pictures to remember these moments.