in my garden.

{yes these are all weeds in our backyard.  isn't that awesome? yeah...not really.}

i have been pruned.

i have been pruned for 30 years, to feel guilty over things that are not mine.

taking them upon myself to keep me in unhealthy situations for too long.

i have been pruned for 30 years, to feel guilty over things that are mine.

letting them weigh down my branches so that i will not rise to my potential.

i have been pruned for 30 years, to deflect compliments 

as if to say to those delivering them, "you do not see who i really am."

i have been pruned for 30 years, to hide in shadows 

so that the sun can never quite fully reach all of me.

i have been pruned for 30 years, to worry about whether i am accepted

so that my boundaries are weakened,

and my stem bows under the weight of those who 

sense my worry,

and take advantage.

i have been pruned by an invisible darkness

that enters the garden late at night

with sharp shears that cut and tear at what is built during daylight,

unbeknownst even to me.

who slithers around me
whispering un-truths to my heart,
to try to blacken its edges
so that i will forget the truth.

until i look around

and all i can see are broken branches,

withered leaves,

and dead flowers

laying on the ground at my feet.

but,

i have a gardener. 

a healer, a planter, a rebuilder.

one who will not let me die, if i can choose to hold on.

who will un-wrap the weeds 

that have tangled around my self-image,

to let the blossoms grow.

who will water and nourish

my broken boundaries

until they are strong and able to stand on their own.

who will turn me to the sun so that i can feel its warmth,

and see myself the way that i was created to be

and feel grateful.

who will tell me truths
to mend my heart,
and remind me
of why i am here.

so,

today i am choosing,

to say good-bye to the pruner

and start helping

my gardener.