passing the time.

it's no secret that the heat of arizona is not my favorite.  

my first summer here i was absolutely miserable.  the second summer here, i think i was even more miserable.  but i realized after that second summer that like it or not, but we were here to stay for a while.  so i could spend our remaining summers here full of contempt & disdain, or i could figure out how to make it work while being un-miserable.

i tried to focus on the positive things about the heat....like the beautiful winters.  {and that's pretty much all i have been able to come up with on the positive side}

but really, there is just so much that a pregnant woman can take at this point.  extreme heat brings out the ugly in me.  it's an ogre that hides deep inside, only to emerge when the temperatures hit around....oh, 115 degrees.  i lose all reason, and logic and can't seem to control what i say or how i say it.  i end up putting myself on time out from human contact, if at all possible. 

so i've realized that the key to success in the arizona summers = save up all year for the air conditioning bill, then crank that puppy to whichever temperature i'm comfortable at.  don't look back, don't feel guilty.  just enjoy it. 

it's funny though, to look at my kids in the middle of summer.  their skin is the most pasty-white i have ever seen it.  last year it wasn't like this because of swimming lessons, but this year when we skipped out on those due to caleb's broken arm, we also skipped out on the immediate brown skin that accompanied them.

anyway, we finally busted out the cheap little pool that i had bought in may before caleb's arm and filled it up in the backyard.  i was so paranoid that it was the first time my kids had seen consecutive sunshine for about 3 months so i lathered them up in SPF, making them look even more pasty-white.  

but they had a great time...so much so that miss leah threw one of the biggest tantrums of her 2 yr old life when it was time to come in.  it went on and on and on.  and.  on.  normally i can roll with these things, caleb is prone to high emotion so it's nothing i haven't seen before,  and i can stay calm.  but nothing worked like it normally does.  so after about 25 minutes of her screaming, i found myself committing the cardinal sin:

bribing her with her binkie to get her to stop.

we've been really strict about leah and her binkie time because if she could, she'd walk around with it all day long.  not a huge deal, we've just noticed that her teeth have started bucking a little in the front & are trying to wean her off of it.  not just because of the teeth, but also because i really do feel that a kid learning to self-soothe is important.  but i'll be honest, i don't "try" very hard to break the habit.  not at this point in my life.  i pick my battles.  so she's only allowed it in bed, normally no exceptions.  and she always tries to sneak it out, and i hold tight.

but like i said, after 25 minutes, i lost it.

now i know there are readers out there who are going to completely judge me.  and to that i say, judge away!  i judge myself.  not really.  i let myself off of the hook pretty easily these days.

which leads us to our next pictures.....

it's all about how you present situations with my kids.  

normally the offer to watch a movie is pretty exciting to them, but add watching a movie up on mom & dad's bed....then throw up a bunch of fluffy pillows & soft blankets.... & you have two kids who are willing to sit still, almost reverently, for the entire 1 1/2 hours.  magic.

we have scheduled play dates for caleb every week, library trips, homework time, and chore time, reading a lot of books, quiet time, play time.  other than that we just kind of lay low.  sometimes that's almost harder on a mom than keeping busy, but it's all i can do right now.  

i've taken myself off of my asthma medication because it seems it was the cause for all of the painful contractions in the middle of the night, on top of other side effects that weren't my favorite.   so it's been nice to be able to sleep better, but i sacrifice the ability to breathe fantastically during the day.  we do what we have to do, right?

i have just a little over a week until my due date, and it's crazy hot outside.

so even though if i think about all of the exciting things that it seems like everyone else is doing, i find myself sometimes a little bummed as to how the summer has turned out, where it doesn't seem like we've done much of anything exciting and we're just passing the time....that's the way that life is sometimes.  and we've had fun, and spent a lot of time together.  i feel like i know my kids better than ever, and i've been grateful for the time i've had with them before the baby comes.

i've been reminded on these slow summer days that i really do have good kids, even when i can see their struggles and weaknesses.  those elements of their personalities just makes me love them more, in fact.

and that i just love being their mom.  at times i feel like we're growing up together.  i need to learn from them just as much as they learn from me.  there is nothing i would rather do more than be at home with them.

and pass the time slowly, as i watch them grow up.