raising a child with special needs.

here's a video ben and i recorded for my work,
talking about some of our thoughts and struggles while raising caleb.

there were so many extremely difficult moments during those first few years,
and so many rewarding moments. it's something i've written about many times,
but for some reason when i talk about it, vivid memories come flooding back to me.

i know there are many others out there, several of my own friends,
who have children who are struggling.  whether it's physically,
behaviorally or emotionally, it's something that can be hard to face as a parent.

personally, being a mother to caleb has been a journey.  i fought bitterness for a long time,
feeling like i somehow missed out on the motherhood that all of my friends and family had talked about.  i felt overprotective and worried that others thought i was crazy at times,
but i also knew that i was the only one who knew my son.  i tried to find a balance between
treating him like he was different....and treating him the way ne needed because i knew that he actually is different.

i'm still working on that balance, and so is ben.  we try to put our own fears aside
when making decisions about caleb.  i push away my worry about the past,
ben pushes away his fear of the future.  and we do our best to live in the present, and the
reality of what caleb is facing now.

being a parent isn't easy, and being a parent of a special needs child is even less easy.

but there is nothing like the bond that i have with him, and like i say in the video,
i wouldn't trade one moment that i've had with him.