turn to stone.

not sure what it is, but every time i listen to this song,

i cry.

it hits something deep down for me, where there is loss and sadness but also beauty through pain.  letting go, surrendering, saying good-bye

but never losing hope.

i know that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me,

and that's okay.


the shooting in connecticut has brought a roller coaster of emotions.  heartbreak, devastation, helplessness,
which has now turned into

such an overwhelming desire 
to
fight.

and to teach my children 
now, 
more than ever
to fight.

lynsey of 3 years ago would have immediately withdrawn any and all children from school and quickly learned how to homeschool.  burying their little heads into my shoulders, wrapping my arms around them, whispering into their soft hair, promising i will keep them safe at all costs.

but there is no guarantee of safety, really.
we cannot control all things, and it wouldn't be living if we could.  i would just be fooling myself,
living a life of fear, and teaching my children to do the same.

lynsey of today wants to turn her beautiful and innocent children around, facing whatever storm is coming together.  holding hands, and telling them to never give up.  to not let the ugly seep fear into our hearts.  to remind them that the more we fight that fear, the stronger our courage grows.

it is a fight that looks like
a belief that good can and 
always will
prevail.  
even through such dark, twisted moments
that threaten to swallow us if we let them.


but wanting my children to see the good
even if it's the smallest, tiniest sliver
of it.
finding love, humanity, worth, happiness.
and let that carry them through the darkness.


and i have learned many times, 
that the things that i want most for them
are the things that i need to
be willing to do for myself.

so i will cry,
and mourn for those children.
their teachers.
their parents.
their siblings.
their friends.

i will cry for the man
who let the darkness swallow him.
a man who gave up.
i will cry for his mother.

and then i will dry my tears,
stand,
face my children outward,
squeeze their small hands,
telling them to keep their hearts soft,
to use their light to combat the dark
and to never stop trying
to fight for the good.

and never lose hope.


Let's take a better look
beyond a story book
And learn our souls are all we own
before we turn to stone

Let's go to sleep with clearer heads
and hearts too big to fit our beds
And maybe we won't feel so alone
before we turn to stone