why only one of my legs is shaved.

 {yep, this is me.  you're welcome.}

i had just finished exercising, jillian michaels style.  i have decided she is a cruel, cruel woman.  but that's a different story for a different day.

my arms and legs were shaky from all of the lunges and shoulder presses.  i checked on both girls...leah, quiet in her crib, supposed to be sleeping but instead reading books & playing.  june, chilling in her swing, content.

i bring the swing into the bathroom to keep an eye on the baby while i took a shower.  5 minutes in, and i'm just about to rinse out the shampoo when june starts fussing.  i knew she was tired, so i kept my eye on her and continued rinsing. 

then i hear a wail from leah's room.  this isn't unusual, she usually drops her beloved hippo or some other toy she's playing with out of her crib and dramatically cries about it until i come in to give it back to her.  so i decide to keep showering, but hurry a little.

june's cries start going up in volume and urgency, so i rinse out the conditioner quickly.  by this time, leah is hollering and hup-hup-hup'ing and my blood pressure is rising with the combination of the two of them.  i decide i can't take it anymore and turn off the water, having only one leg shaved. 

i'm sopping wet, and wrap a towel around my hair and one around the rest of me because caleb is supposed to be coming home from school any minute and i think we are past the age where it's no longer a big deal for him to see me in my birthday suit.  i just about fall on my face on the tile of the bathroom because the floor is slippery, pick up june, get her swaddled with a binkie in her mouth.  prop her up on my bed, on a pillow.  and run down the hallway to leah's room, desperately trying not to fall while also trying not to lose my towel.

i open her door, and can tell something is wrong but can't figure out what it is.  she's laying on her stomach, sideways in the bed.  i ask her, "what's the matter?  what's wrong?"  but she's crying so hard now that she doesn't answer me.  her face is blotchy and she screams on.  i look through her crib, but still can't figure it out.  

finally, she lifts her head and looks around to her leg.  and i notice that one of them is sticking through the crib slats.  it looks normal, but then i realize that it's stuck.  and that's why she had been crying.  i try to calm her down as i start to shimmy her leg out, but it really was stuck and hard to get out.  of course as i'm moving it she's screaming even louder.  finally, it's free.  and i feel so guilty because i'd just ignored her cries while she was legitimately hurt that as i'm holding her, i tell her she can come and watch a movie on my bed.  she replies with a small "o-kaaaay" in between her racking sobs.

i pick her up with her blanket, and walk back into my room, the whole time dripping wet and still trying desperately to keep my towel up. 

as i get into the bedroom, i can suddenly hear that june is crying.  her small cries had been drowned out by leah's loud ones.  but somehow, june has rolled off of the pillow i had set her on, and now had the pillow on top of her face.  and she was squirming around and kicking her legs and clearly upset.  i lay leah down, pick up june, comfort her, get her to sleep, and throw on the closest clothes to me just as caleb comes walking through the door.

phew! 

wanting to nominate me for mother of the year 2011 now, aren't you?

i'd like to say that this was an isolated incident.
 

that my hair isn't often wet, that my t-shirts aren't worn inside out because i've been either too frantic or too unaware to realize, and that both of my legs are shaved.

but i now realize what being a mother of 3 means.  

i'm outnumbered.  

sure, i was with 2  kids also.  but adding the third child on somehow just throws that extra little curveball in there.  the curveball that keeps me constantly on my toes, and running and feeling behind in pretty much every area of my life.

i remember someone commenting on my blog when i wrote before june was born about my fear of having 3 children, that with 3 comes the ability to let more things go.  because you don't have a choice or you'll go nuts.  

so luckily, i've quickly learned to let things go.  shower today, or put on make-up?  exercise or go grocery shopping?  eat my first actual meal of the day or do the dishes?  take the kids to the park or finally return the library books?  call a friend back or reschedule the appointments with the dentist?  

these are questions i ask myself constantly, weighing the options.  because i just can't do it all.  for a few weeks i was hard on myself because i felt this coming.....the knowledge that i'm out in public looking worn out and tired, or that i can't immediately help each child when they are crying, or that friends are dropping by and my house isn't as clean as i'd like it to be, or that i'd like to be losing more weight, or that those i need to call back will just have to be patient with me.  

even though june has been an absolutely amazing baby, newborns still take a lot of time.  and planning.  and packing the right stuff.  so she's amazing but it's all still a lot.

but once i could take a little while and look at what life is for me now, and accept where i am at and the changes and what they mean?  the letting go and owning it, and just being okay with not being all of it?  

it actually brings a lot of happiness.

even when i'm running around my house dripping wet, tending to one screaming child after another. or i'm seen walking around the grocery store with only one leg shaved, no make-up on and my shirt is still inside out.

there will be a season when life gets a little easier in some ways, when i can manage more and do more, and get out more, and feel more put together.

but right now is not that season, and it's okay.

i'm a mother of 3.  and i'm happy.