Sunday, August 5, 2012

to the pap.

dear dad,

i don't have a lot of vivid memories of my childhood, but the ones i do have where i remember you in them, you were usually making me laugh.  your sense of humor is one of the things i love the most about you, and am grateful you passed onto me the ability to not take life too seriously when it doesn't need to be, and learning how to laugh at myself.

i remember jumping on the trampoline with you, playing baseball at the park for hours, you teaching me to drive a stick shift when i was 16.  i remember when i was a young girl, sitting down as you would blow dry my hair on saturday nights so it would look pretty for church the next day, and when i was scared at night you would play a song to me on my tape player and stay with me until i went to sleep.  you were the best spider-killer, and were there for me even in the middle of the night when i woke you up screaming that there was one on my ceiling....which i did many times.  {sorry about that}

you have always believed in me, believed that my heart is good even when i was making stupid teenage mistakes.  you have no idea what listening to me and trying to understand me meant to me back then, and i will forever be grateful for you for always accepting me and loving me for who i am, even if you don't always agree with my choices.

thank you for being a soft place to fall when i have been broken.  thank you for seeing beauty and talent in me when i couldn't.  thank you for your courage during times when i know you have been afraid.  thank you for your generosity, and always making me feel welcome.  thank you for loving me through the hard things, and offering forgiveness when i have asked for it.  thank you for apologizing to me when i have been hurt.

thank you for the way you treat my children and husband.  i know how deeply you care for them and that you would move mountains for any one of us, if we asked.

you are someone who could be put in a crowd of strangers and immediately make friends.  i admire that about you, and love that you are so friendly to everyone you meet.  the way you reach out to new people and can start a conversation like you have known someone your whole life is something i admire and want to be more like you.

dad, i am so proud to be your daughter.  i know you are not a perfect person, but what i admire so much about you is that you are willing to admit your mistakes, apologize and try to change, no matter how late in life.  thank you for this example, and for being someone who i can talk to.....even if it's about hard things.

it's been interesting, to become an adult and see you through grown-up eyes instead of adoring, hero-worship-young eyes.  i have come to see you as a real person who is not perfect, who has made mistakes.  i'm not going to lie, part of that was hard on me, but in a good way.  my growing-up process has taught me that this is what life is really about--knowing all of a person and loving them not in spite of--but because of all that they are.  that is true unconditional love, and it is what i feel for you.  

through you i have learned that life is about second chances, trying again, picking yourself up, discovering who you are through the eyes of God.  and then helping others to do the same.  

knowing who you are now, with my grown-up eyes opened, has brought my feelings for you full circle.  i can look at you and see the history of a father and a daughter, all of the memories and changes and hard moments and laughter and tears, whistling and penny whistles, words of advice and life lessons, badminton and ping pong tournaments, spiritual conversations and insight and understanding.

i have a very small number of heroes dad, and you are one of them.  i love you.

happy {late} father's day.

your daughter

1 comment:

Nana said...

Such a sweet post Lynsey. Your dad was one of the nicest people to us when we moved into your ward. He was so welcoming and accepting and we appreciated that so much. You do have a wonderful dad and are very blessed.