Thursday, December 27, 2012

a decade.



I woke up that uncommonly warm morning in December, walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, expecting to see something different.  You know, like on the day of your birthday you think somehow you'll look and feel older.

But the girl looking back was the same me.

The only difference I could see in my reflection were the puffy, bloodshot eyes staring back.  The day before had been a hard one for many reasons.  I washed my face, dried it and walked back into my bedroom, studying the boxes surrounding me.  All of the life I had lived up to this point was now packed away, ready to be moved to a new location.

I took a deep breath, steadied myself.

Was I really ready for this?  

How does anyone actually know they're ready for this?


I didn't have the answer to either of those questions.  There were so many unknowns, so many variables. It was a leap of faith, a risk.  An adventure.  For all of the days leading up to this point I had been fearless and confident about this choice.  {overly confident?}  But today I was afraid of my own abilities, and I clung to the tiny voice inside that softly whispered that the love of two people who promised to not stop trying actually could conquer anything.

I jumped in the shower, ate breakfast with my family.  Put on my makeup, blow dried and curled my hair.  Slipped on my dark blue dress.

Grabbing my small bag, I looked at my bedroom for one last time.  Overcome with emotion, my eyes filled with tears as I said a silent good-bye to the girl who had been.

And closed the door.

Almost 5 hours later I sat quietly, my hands resting on layers of white tulle.

He was next to me, and covered his hand with mine.  I looked at our hands together, our fingers interlocked.  And the uncertainty of the early morning washed away....I felt warmth.

"You ready?"  he asked, his brown eyes smiling.

I wrapped my fingers tightly around his, met his smile with mine and said,

"Yes."

Holding hands, we walked into the brightly lit room.  Kneeling together, we promised our love and dedication to each other in front of family, friends and God.  We exchanged rings and sealed our promises with a kiss.

There were hugs and tears, well wishes and congratulations.

We walked out of the beautiful grey building and greeted the night sky with excitement.  Hugging and posing with the rest of our loved ones, we took picture after picture, walking through the grounds covered by thousands of twinkling lights.

We danced in front of hundreds of strangers as the photographer snapped away.  We climbed on cement walls to get the perfect shot, went into "forbidden" areas to find a patch of sidewalk that wasn't covered with other people.  I couldn't stop laughing and smiling, and neither could he.  The weather stayed uncharacteristically perfect, there was no need for the puffy coat I had brought in preparation for the frigid temperature that never came.

As a horse-drawn carriage arrived, one by one we said our good-byes as we carefully climbed in.  I rested my head on his shoulder as the horse trotted throughout the brightly lit city.  There were others around us, I'm sure of it.  Horns honking, music playing, voices chattering.  Life being lived.

But for me, there was no one else but him.

I love you Ben....


























Happy 10th Anniversary.

we've had many songs
but this first one will always be 
our "official" one:




if you want to read about the day we knew we loved each other,

3 comments:

Rachel Chick said...

Congratulations! I love you both so very much! Thank you for overcoming the hard times. You are an example to me and many others! I hope it's wonderful day - regardless of the barf. :) Wait a minute . . . wasn't there barf involved ten years ago (maybe the day after?) :)? Perhaps it's only fitting. :) Love you guys!

Jessica said...

I love you both and am so happy that you are married and have three lovely children.

ohmylanta said...

Beautiful!

I love love love the lights! They add such a dazzling affect to your photos.

Congratulations on your 10th.