celebrating LIFE

yesterday was
caleb's 4th birthday.

i wish i could say the words "i've loved every moment of the past 4 years," but if i'm being honest, i can't. what i can say is this:

i've loved him every moment of the past 4 years.
and that is the truth.

from the moment i saw that positive pregnancy test i knew that my life would never be the same. i just had no idea what an understatement that would be.

i have spent the majority of the past 4 years worrying.

worrying about his past...should i have made other choices for him when he was a baby? been more relaxed, been more protective, given him the medicine, not given him the medicine, pushed him harder physically?

worrying about his present...is he strong enough? smart enough? am i doing enough? am i too hard on him? do i need to be more strict? do i need to let go more? why is he so bossy?

worrying about his future...will he grow up to be a good kid? or end up in a group home? will he be kind to others, stick up for the underdog? will he be the underdog? is he ever going to get taller?

and so, i made a decision. for one day out of four years, i wouldn't worry.
i would just celebrate.
celebrate the life of a boy who has stolen my heart in a way only he can.

favorite color (s): yellow, green and brown. in that order.
favorite number (s): 8 & 10.
loves: his bear, green, apple, warm, warm georgie. music. instruments. dancing. singing. reading. running. coloring. painting. cucumbers. cheese. strawberries. cantelope. making people laugh. sweet pie. mom and dad. animals, but not scary ones like snakes and bats. listening to books on cd. family home evening. playing candyland and chutes and ladders. wrestling with dad. riding his bike. friends. balloons. bubbles. making up stories with mom. watching shows. puzzles. practicing letters and numbers. picking flowers for mom. picking out cool sticks for dad. getting packages in the mail. being happy.


the celebration: normally i am the low-key mom when it comes to birthdays and holidays. (secret: low key really means "lazy and unprepared") but not this year. i realized how much i wanted this day to be special. for him. so once he went to bed, ben & i got to work. i hung signs and blew up so many balloons that i thought i might pass out. but once i saw his face in the morning, it was totally worth it.

ben made the cake again. and once again, outdid himself.

for those who missed it, here was last year's cake:

and this year's cake:

we celebrated with a party, inviting caleb's friends for swimming and pizza. we were so grateful to those who came, many of them drove a long distance.










we are also grateful for the family members who sent packages for him in the mail and made phone calls, letting him know that he is important to them.

and did his birthday wishes come true? i'll say they did.

(kanien, i found it on ebay for $16.95 + shipping) it's a toy violin that plays like 15 songs & makes him feel really cool. nana sent him a golf club set along with a toy guitar (thank you!) so both of his birthday wishes were answered.

there are multiple reasons why i love caleb. he has a kind heart. he loves to make us laugh. he adores his dad. he cries when i get hurt. (i have to hide it when i use band-aids because when he sees one on me it sends him through the roof.) he is spirited. he has an inner strength that inspires me. he loves life.

and so we celebrate him. the good, the bad, the extremely hard, the rewarding, the draining, the inspiring.

we love you, buddy. more than you'll ever know.