now that it's over, i'll blog about it.

i have a secret. it's not a deep one. it's not a dark one.

it's a stupid one.

i let my license expire.

not a couple of weeks, not a few months. we were going on two years here. yep, i said it. my two year anniversary would have been in july. so dumb, huh? i know you're thinking, "well why didn't you just get it renewed & put the sticker on the back?"

and i'll answer you. it's because the last time i had my license renewed...in july 2002, it was before i was even engaged so i had it renewed in my maiden name. so when it came time for renewal in 2007 i couldn't just put the sticker on it, i had to go in with my marriage certificate & a copy of my social security card to get it done.

again, so what, just get it done, right? well it expired two weeks after we moved to NC to work at the group home and we never unpacked all of our boxes because we knew we weren't living in a permanent location. so i couldn't find my marriage license OR my SS card. believe me, i looked.

so then i tried to just go in & have it renewed under my maiden name. i had my SS card with my maiden name on it (of course, that's the one i could find.) but the stingy DMV lady said she needed one more proof of address...like a utilities bill...and since that was in my married name, she wouldn't allow me just to renew it under my maiden name.

then i had to order another marriage license AND another married SS card and wait for them to come. by the time they rolled around in the mail, i knew we were leaving NC in a couple of months and didn't want to get an NC license.

then when we moved to AZ, i was pregnant and i was too proud to go in & have my picture retaken with my swollen face & have to put my pregnancy weight on my card. i get it, i'm a pansy.

that being said.

having your license expired has it's pluses & minuses:

we'll start with the negative:

1) flying. i flew several times last year and basically had to lie when the airport staff would look at me & tell me it was expired. i got very good at the shocked "i was just crowned miss america" face. the wide eyes, the mouth in an "O" and a little gasp escaping.

"what??" i would say in shock. "it's expired?? oh my goodness, i can't believe it! i thought it was next year! i'll get that renewed right away. the second my feet hit the ground, i'll head straight on in to that DMV, mark my words. i am normally a law-abiding, current-license-holding citizen."

luckily they bought my story. all 4 times.

2) the monkey on my back. it was always in the back of my head. "geeeeetttt yooouuurrrr liccceeennssseee reeennneeewweeedd" like a ghost that haunted me constantly. you know how you have those things that you put off & try to forget about, but then you never really can? plus your husband keeps reminding you? blast that man for keeping me in check.

3) seasonal allergies. because the world is made up of some whacky people who will acutally take over the counter allergy decongestant medicine and turn it into illegal narcotics, they have taken these OTC drugs off the shelves & made you present a valid license every time you buy them. unfortunately ben & i both suffer from seasonal allergies & he was the only one who could get the claritin D or zyrtec D for us. we would always run out before the 2 weeks was up so he could buy more, and because my license was expired, i could never help out. i spent many itchy nights regretting my procrastination.


the positive:

1) the fear of being pulled over. some may look at this as a negative, but i say to you nay. my driving record has never been so clean. the most i will speed no matter how late i am (which i am a perpetually late person--though i feel i am a victim of circumstance---a totally different subject) is 4 over the posted speed limit.

2) getting to pull out my expired license every now and then and sigh with a smile on my face about the weight that i once was. pre-marriage, pre-babies. i would day dream about the good ol' days before stretch marks and cellulose took over.

that's pretty much all i could come up with in the positive section. but apparently it was enough to keep me going for almost 2 years. how sad.

i knew that at some point i would regret the decision to procrastinate the renewal. and i was right. i had actually said to ben before his spring break started, "my goal for your spring break is to get my license renewed." i had thought there might be a celebration of some sort from him. i didn't expect confetti and cake, but maybe just a chocolate soy milk toast to 'the end of an era.' but instead all i got was a pair of raised eyebrows.

apparently he had heard this line before.

but i was determined. unfortunately for us all, the days started slipping by. we had family come into town for leah's blessing and then WHAM! spring break was over. my goal unaccomplished. okay, so now i understand ben's lack of enthusiasm over my passionate promise.

well then i get contacted by shay (the producer for the online show) about the promotion from Ford. i was so excited about it. but in the back of my mind, i knew.

and so did ben.

the second i hung up the phone we both looked at each other and our eyes spoke the same sentence without our mouths having to open.

"i/you have to get your license renewed!!" we each thought.

after getting my marriage license and both SS cards ready (just in case) i told ben i would set out the next day. how hard could it be, right?

uhhhhh. well i failed it. twice.

once you can stop your snickering, let me ask you a couple of questions. this is what i would like to call:

the mini drivers license renewal test.

(dun dun duuuuuuunnnnn)

if you can answer all of these correctly, you will win a prize. a prize called "my love and respect." you cannot look these up on the internet, you cannot ask anyone for help. you need to just go off of what you remember when you first took the test. (which for me was 12 years ago)

1) how many feet do you need to be parked away from a fire hydrant?

a) 10 ft b) 15 ft c) 20 ft d) 30 ft

2) how many feet do you need to have beetween you (driving a car) and a bicyclist?

a) 3 ft b) 5 ft c) 6 ft d) 10 ft

3) what does this sign mean?

i will tell you the answers on my next post. i just want to know how many of YOU could do this on the fly. (i'm really hoping it's not a lot of you so i don't feel like such an idiot.) and i had 30 questions!

knowing i had to take the test i looked around on the internet to see if i could find a study guide. but what popped up cost $19.95 and said i would get a refund if i failed. no thank you.

at the DMV, after i failed the test the second time, i asked the lady at the counter if there was anything they had that i could study. she looked at me like, are you kidding me? and said "no." why not? last time i checked, this was the DMV for crying out loud. no books? i knew that if i failed it a third time i would have to pay another $25. i also knew that i was going to be walking in there the next day with the same knowledge i had the day before.

i tried my best. i batted my eyelashes, smiled and said, "you know, i'm a really good driver. just look at my driving record. it's clean as a whistle. i'm a mom who would never endanger her kids. i'm safe. can't you just let me pass? please?"

and her answer?

"see you tomorrow."

so i got home, humiliated beyond belief that i was failing a test that pimply-faced pubescent teens were passing. and with no hope of doing any better the next day.

luckily, ben found the 63-page study guide online. so i studied my brains out. and wha-lah! 100% the next day.

that's right, i said
100%.
so kiss it.

unfortunately i used my facebook status to vent a bit about my experience. when a sassy guy from my ward caught wind of my embarrassing situation, he decided to make me writhe just a little bit more and started offering money to go toward a tutor for the test. the little snot.

so even though i passed on my 3rd try, at church on sunday he and his wife presented me with this little gift.


a framed dollar bill--which was how much he started the bidding at for my tutor. just in case it's too blurry to read it says:

IN RECOGNITION OF OUSTANDING UNDERACHIEVEMENT.
THREE TIMES.

we had a good laugh...me sporting crimson, embarrassed cheeks...and i now stand victorious with a current license. (also a dollar richer, i might add.) just in time to drive a fancy car for a week.

so did i learn my lesson? you betcha.

fortunately for me the arizona license is good for like 55 years. but still, i'd like to think that even if it were sooner i would pop that renewal sticker on the back quicker than ben can eat an orange sherbert push pop.


***post your answers to the mini-test in the comment section...if you DARE!!