Wednesday, February 1, 2012

nonsense it all is.

today, i want to write.  i'm just feeling it, you know?  but there may be a cost to this writing because what has already formulated in my head is pretty raw and vulnerable...more so than i think i've ever written, and i know i've been vulnerable many times on this blog.  this writing involves more than just me, and leaving others out of what i write is something i work extremely hard to do.  i want to only tell my story, no one else's.  but some of my story is wrapped up and integrally connected to others that it's difficult to figure out how to weave around them.  so i'm currently trying to come up with a metaphor for what i'd like to write, and i'm wishing my brain would work a bit quicker so i could get it out.  

life is good here, this is just stuff coming up from the past that i'm still working through.  things happen, and it triggers old hurt.  then after experiencing therapy, instead of ignoring the old hurt, i go through the "figuring out where it comes from" method.  i do like to figure myself out.  i like to figure others out.  i wonder why people are cruel, or get offended easily, or enable sickness in themselves or others to continue with justification and pretending not to see.  

i'm not one to just "leave it alone" because for me, that's running and hiding in the coward's corner of denial and i don't want to see this.  maybe that comes across as pushy?  probably, but once i woke this side up, i don't know how to get it to go back to sleep again.  i do it to myself and others, i push.  but it's only with the best of intentions, you know.  

anyway, all of that was writing about writing, which is pretty much nothing.  we'll see what happens.

i also have a house to clean, and taxes to get going on.  and a sweet june's half-birthday to discuss and show off some adorable pictures of baby eyes, fingers, toes and belly button.  

here's a sneak peek:

and how sometimes i look at her and see her sister, then others i see a complete {only chubbier} carbon copy of her brother.  

well, it looks like the taxes have won for today, though i'm going to keep working on that metaphor.  it's time for it to be written.

thank you so much for reading, even if it's just nonsense like this sometimes.  


MandM said...

Lyns, you need a blogging buddy. If you're interested let me know. My good friend and I started a blog for just the two of us (no readers). We called it The Healthy Project 2012. We discuss financial stuff, our kiddos, our diet, exercise...etc.

Valerie said...

I look forward to hearing your metaphor and seeing great pics of that gorgeous baby!

Rachel Chick said...

I've known you're full of nonsense for a long while now. :) It will come. In the right way in the right time. I look forward to reading it when it does. You are such a beautiful writer.

So I can see both of your other kids in June as well. She's beautiful. I definitely can see a lot of Caleb in her - yes, just MUCH chubbier. But she looks a lot like her sissy, too. Cute, cute. You two make 'em good. Can't wait to see some more pics and I'm glad that you're enjoying your sweet family.

Nana said...

nonsense or not...I will always love reading your blog!

ohmylanta said...

Well my dear. Your brain works much much better than mine does.

I have realized that I am a person that experiences constant "stirrings". I swear my brain is never turned off. I often feel the desire to sit and write about therapy. But, I honestly lack the ability to bundle my thoughts and feelings into words and sentences that will reflect it all properly.

So, I spend very little time planning and preparing posts for my blog. I just whip out little pointless blurps about my life and call it good.

One day my dear. One day I hope to connect my thoughts and feelings with fitting words.