Sunday, December 27, 2009

where am i tonight?

at home? nope.

that's right. in a hotel room. by myself.

why?

well, because after the california trip i've been feeling a bit like this:




which isn't good for anyone, because that leaves my hair looking like this:




i came home frazzled and sooooooo tired of being tired. and it just felt like i couldn't catch a break. so for my christmas present i asked ben for one thing:

a good night's rest.

just one.

and yesterday he surprised me by telling me he had gotten a sweet deal (think less than a pair of shoes, ladies! a cheap pair of shoes.) on a hotel room for just little old me.

i was so excited, especially after being woken up by caleb last night at 2am letting me know he was hungry, then 4am letting me know he needed to go potty, then 7:30am letting me know he was ready to wake up now.

which made the idea of a night away with me sleeping in tomorrow morning so much more appealing!

so now i'm here, and feeling a little bit lost as to what to do. you mean, just sit around and watch a movie? there's no laundry to do? no dishes to wash?

just me and some chocolates?

the hotel room is beeeeyoootiful. sitting in 25 acres of loveliness that i didn't know existed in arizona. a big puffy bed, soft sheets, bottled water, a jetted tub.



i almost don't recognize this girl:



who has a few more hours to figure out who she is again. not just the titles i have been wearing for years:

wife.

mother.

maid.

cook. (well, we use that term loosely around my place.)

friend.

sister.

daughter.

but also the girl who's been existing beneath the surface of those titles.

it's not that i don't enjoy my life. i do enjoy it.


in fact, i love it.

but there are times when i feel like i'm being swallowed up by it.


it was hard for me to ask for this. i felt guilty. selfish. like i should be fine with the way things are going and that the feeling of being stretched too thin will go away or get better.

but the truth is that things weren't getting better. each time i thought i could get extra rest, or enjoy a couple of hours to myself, something would come up. and i was finding myself pushing back my needs and my "me time" to someone or something that needed me more.

so i'm here to say to any of you out there reading this:

it's okay to ask for something for yourself.


whether it's a longer shower, or time to get ready without a baby trying to eat your blush brush, or an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill.

or one good night's sleep.

and if you have married someone who not only gets you, but wants you to get back to yourself,

they'll surprise you and let you do just that.

8 comments:

Rachel H. said...

TOO COOL. I have always wanted to ask for that very same thing! :) LOL.

So awesome you got it...and that your hubby is awesome enough to make it happen. Hoping you have the BEST NIGHT EVER! And take an extra long bath in that tub! :) YOU DESERVE THIS!

Mike and Jenny said...

How awesome. Yay for you, live it up. Congrats on your anniversary as well!!

The Johnson's said...

You deserve this and Ben is a great hubby to recognize it. Enjoy it and you are right, it is okay to spend time on ourselves.

MandM said...

Good for you love. Good for you.

S and RA Beazer said...

That ben is just awesome. Enjoy your night.

Sara and Company said...

Perfect! That is so great of him to do that. And yes, you DO deserve it!

sarahbellac said...

Ben is a genius romantic and you are a fantastic writer (with a gorgeous new hairstyle!). I love reading your posts. You are a great enough writer that I actually read your posts, rather than just looking at the pictures! I wish we lived closer to you guys so we could hang out. Come visit us anytime.

Erika said...

Wow you said it. I sometimes feel lost in myself too, and everything feels crazy and I can't do it all even though I want to, cause that's what I SHOULD do, right? It all? Ha ha, luckily when I get myself to calm down in those times I realize everything is okay... don't know if this makes sense! Just looking at those hotel beds made me feel better so you must have felt awesome. :)