Thursday, February 17, 2011

dear new baby,

when i found out that i was pregnant, let's just say that it was not "ideal" timing.  we have had a lot going on this year, and there were some extremely stressful circumstances surrounding our family.  i was shocked, and i will admit it, immediately worried.  i didn't feel ready, emotionally or mentally or physically.

after walking upstairs to let your dad know {i had taken the test without him knowing, honestly because i thought there was a big chance that i was just being paranoid}, i sat down on the floor of the office and announced that we needed to talk.  he had been working on homework, and swung around in his brown chair to face me.  i told him the news, with a surprised look on my face, my eyes huge, wondering what he was going to say.

"huh?"

was what came out of his mouth.  he was shocked too.  but then, a smile immediately came to his face.  he said that he couldn't believe it, but he was happy.  for the rest of the day, we looked at each other off and on, smiling and shaking our heads.

little baby, the past few months for me have been a roller coaster.  even though leah's only almost 2, i had forgotten what pregnancy feels like.  and i had never been pregnant before while handling a fairly stubborn toddler, and taking another child to school.  i have felt more tired at times than i can ever remember feeling in my life. 

but i want you to know that there has never been a moment that your dad and i have felt an ounce of regret or not wanting you.  we have always wanted more kids, and i know that especially once you are born, we will have the same feeling that we do about your brother and sister.  that we couldn't imagine life without you, that you belong with us.

i wanted to thank you for what you have already taught me.  you have reminded me of what love really is.  it is about sacrifice and unselfishness, and wanting the best for someone else over yourself.  it helps me to remember that the love i am already feeling for you is just an ounce of what God feels for me.  

life is a parallel, and i just needed to step outside of my own needs and wants or thoughts of what is ideal timing for our family for a minute to remind me of this.

i love you already, baby.  so does your dad.  and we just can't wait to meet you.

love, your mom.

8 comments:

Melyni + Alma said...

Thank you for sharing these. They are beautiful!

S and RA Beazer said...

We really need to come south and visit. If life ever settles down we will need to consider it. Congrats in the meantime. Love you two.

Andrea said...

Love these letters. They are lovely and show once again why these little guys are so lucky to have you as their momma. Now, I want some more letters. Dear Maria Del Gatto, or how about one to the lovely plumbers and landlords and what they mean to you. And if you still want to write some letters I can think of a few other people who may love one :)

ohmylanta said...

Sweet letters Lyns! I love the strategically placed stickers on Leah. So funny. Hope that baby is baking up healthy and that you are doing well.

The Pyne's said...

so um, this was not planned?!?!!? interesting.....and may I say you are such a great mother. I have issues with the whole selfishness and I know I do. I want time for me, I still want to do stuff and I also get extremely exhausted everyday and turn on cartoons so I can take a nap. Seriously SELFISH!! Tis again why I wish I was soooo much more like you. Again I desperately need to talk to you, but am now the one feeling like crap and have no voice. So one day I shall call and it will be such a surprise (to you and me!!). Luv ya lady!!

Rachel Holloway said...

You have one very lucky little baby...and 2 very, very lucky little cuties in your house already.
Hope you know that....because so many of us do!

Marci Ward said...

WOW! Congrats!! That is exciting! Good luck with everything, you'll do it and you'll do it well I am sure:)

Hev said...

CONGRATS LYNS!!! That is awesome! Your letter is really sweet! :)