ahhhhhh. the charger arrived today. it feels so nice to sit and veg & try to pretend that the dishes sitting in the sink are non-existent. i probably won't be able to get caught up on everyone's blogs but will do my best.
of course knowing now that i can write, brings on a whole lotta writer's block.
i guess i could mention that i gave myself a panic attack about 2 nights ago. how? by reading the last section of "what to expect when you're expecting" to get a refresher on what's to come. it has been almost 4 years you know.
i am remembering why after i read it the first time i wanted to throw it in the trash. don't get me wrong, it definitely gets you prepared. but i personally feel that any book that has the words "gelatinous chunk of mucus" should be burned. there is informational, then there is crossing the line.
hands up in the crowd from anyone else who thinks the line was crossed?
my other favorite part of the book is when you're in labor, it gives suggestions of what you could do to "pass time." you seriously think i should be cleaning out my closet at a time like this? prepare a sandwich for the coach? good gracious. the man can take care of himself & better be packing some chocolate in there for the lady bent over as her body heaves in pain.
ben & i started out laughing as i was reading it aloud...then somehow the laughter turned to tears. as ben bawled, i tried my best to console him. okay maybe it was the other way around. at the heart of those tears came the realization:
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
i know that may sound selfish and lame. women do this everyday, right? one loony tune just did it eight times at once! i can do this, right? RIGHT???
as tears came down my cheeks ben asked me what he could do to help ease the anxiety. i told him to knock me out cold as soon as i had my first contraction, then drag my lifeless body to the car & have me checked into the hospital.
i know it is a dumb thing to be scared of. i completely realize that. i know this is a time of miracles and blessings amid the goop & pain. and i'm sure that once it's all over i will look back and say, "it wasn't that bad."
but heaven help me, i'm freaked out.
i know i shouldn't hit the bottle when i'm worried, but i just think there may be healing power in chocolate soy milk. as i reach for it in the fridge i am going to do my best to avert my eyes from the cottage cheese sitting in there, reminding me of the "gelatinous chunk" which is inevitably arriving in about a week and a half.
heaven! help! me!