let's start out by saying there will be no photos of my own from the photo shoot. at first i wanted to take some to document the occasion, then quickly changed my mind.
why? because, for the love of mankind, i am big and swollen. i feel like a cow who is squeezing herself and her expanded feet into high heels that were too small when they were purchased.
(who knew you are supposed to buy 1/2 size bigger than you normally wear? probably you ladies who have dabbled in the high heel department before. i am more of a wedge or platform gal myself, and was not let in on this little secret.)
in fact, this here is a little picture for your visual pleasure to sum up my feelings on my appearance today:
the cankles, the swollen nose. the feet bulging out of the shoes like two little vienna sausages tied up in string. it's like me looking in a mirror...without those fashionable gloves.
we were asked to bring two outfits, one for just "everyday" and then one that was dressy...i think the word used was "sexy" with heels.
and who doesn't feel sexy the week before their due date?
well i feel i have to be given some huge points for effort. i went shopping yesterday with my friend andrea, and she saved the day by providing the dress i wore in the shoot from her own wardrobe. phew, that was a relief. then it was off to find a shirt that was stain-free.
i'm not sure what's happened in the last couple of weeks, but oxy-clean...who used to NEVER fail to take out the stains... has given up trying. maybe i require too much from it. i went through the closet and literally every.single.shirt. that fits me right now, was clean & folded but covered in stains.
well after several hours, and about 2000 calories thanks to the cheesecake factory, i came home last night ready to rock it at the photo shoot. (a sugar rush from a piece of dulce de leche can do that to a hormonal woman.)
that is until i showed up.
i think if the other 3 women had been in my same boat...i mean, huge arc...i would have been fine. however they are just beautiful, and thin and so nice and fun. sigh. insecurities set in.
self-esteem issues + water retention = lynsey about to look like a freak in front of a lot of people.
i try to keep the crazy hidden from most. but i'm pretty sure those photos are going to show a fear in my eyes that could be spotted from miles away. the lunacy is about to emerge folks, and it ain't pretty.
after the solo & group shots, we did individual families...with caleb's dirt smudged face & tired, pink eyes...then a group shot with us all. i was able to relax at that point, because there were about 20 of us and the focus wasn't on me smiling like a doofus while trying to breathe through braxton hicks contractions. those little boogers seem to spring forth at very inconvenient times.
and then it was over. i peeled off the high heels, amazed they didn't have to be surgically removed, and had to say to myself, "what's done is done."
the date for the first show is quickly arriving. honestly i don't know if i can bring myself to watch it. maybe by the time it airs i will be preoccupied by other things? such as a sqwaking newborn...or possibly another bout with mastitis? maybe the delirium from the fever is just what i need. then i can watch myself and be so out of it that i don't notice the extra 10 lbs. that will be added onto this already bursting body.
i guess we'll just have to wait and see.