Monday, September 6, 2010

super caleb.



this weekend caleb has been seen around the streets of utah and up gallivanting around swiss days in his superhero cape.  he has insisted that we call him super caleb and because i love him so much, i've done it.  i think he really believes that with this cape on, he can do anything and is braver and stronger than anyone. 

and tomorrow super caleb will make another appearance as he goes to face his 5th MRI.  

i'm not sure yet if it's easier because he's older and i can explain what's going to happen to him, or if it's more difficult because what i explain to him causes him to be more anxious.  i don't give him all the details, but just enough to know what to expect.

however it doesn't help that i'm nervous about a couple of things.

1)  he can't eat past 5 am, and the test isn't until 1pm.  so i explained to him that he's going to be extremely hungry and asked if he wanted me to wake him up before 5 to eat.  his reply? 

"absolutely!  i'd like a turkey sandwich, please!"

so i will be stumbling out of bed at 4:30 to see if he is really conscious enough to eat the requested turkey sandwich.  but i know that tomorrow will be starting off difficult because of the non-eating factor.

2)  the IV.  i don't know what it is about IV's, but just thinking about them makes me sick to my stomach.  when i have had to have them i can't watch, and it takes all the strength i have to muster up my inner chi to take my mind somewhere else.  but this time, i have to be brave for caleb.  i have to hold him and tell him it's going to be okay without throwing up on him or passing out.  maybe i'll borrow his cape for IV time.

3)  the sedation.  caleb has been through multiple tests and a lot of them have been really hard to watch him have to go through.  but nothing has brought me to tears like having him sedated in my arms.  there is just something disturbing about it, having him be awake one second and then completely limp and lifeless the next.

i know there are worse things that he could be going through right now, but i also know that this is a hard thing to go through, and it's a-okay to state that. 

i look at him and am so grateful for all that he continues to teach me. 

so for tonight i'm going to be saying a lot of prayers and affirmations that not only will super caleb be strong enough to get through a difficult day tomorrow, but that i will be too.

7 comments:

Brian & Chelsey said...

Thats hard Lyns, you are very VERY brave...Good luck to you both...you are all in my prayers! Love you guys!!

Brian & Chelsey said...

and PS...LOVE the cape!! :) what a cutie he is!!

Fawn Becker said...

Good luck sweet Caleb....no doubt your super powers will keep you safe :)

Rachel H. said...

thinking of you both!!! He IS a little superguy--and you're an incredible mom. Hang in there and know many prayers are being prayed for you both!

Nana said...

I will be praying for both of you. And if the cape works, use it all you can. Sometimes mind over matter with a cape might be all you need. What a sweet boy and what lucky parents! you will be blessed!

Em and Russ said...

Hope everything went well. FYI, I hate needles too. I am a huge wimp when it comes to getting an IV. I usually have Emily hold my hand when they stick me . . . and i have definitely had my fair share of IV's.

Erika said...

Good luck!! I don't know how I'd handle that with one of my children... and I agree with you on the sedation, Jenna was sedated for some dental work (BLAH) and it was totally disturbing, especially seeing her come out of it. Anyway i've been totally keeping up on your blog and love all your posts. Congrats on the move! :) Your post about looking at your old house and all the memories made me sad too, we live really close to our old house and I always want to knock on the door and ask to go inside just so I can relive when Jenna's first steps and nursing Carter. Okay I'm done. Hope Caleb is doing well!