love, sweet love.

leah's 1st birthday, 2/27/10

so it's day 3 here of fall break.  and still, not much is going on.

but it's okay because we've still been having a good time together.  most importantly we have been able to slow down a little on living life and keeping on a schedule.

this afternoon i found myself outside in the backyard {yes!  a backYARD!  so exciting to me still.} playing "what time is it mr. fox?" with caleb, while leah wandered around picking up various rocks and "yuckies" to hand them to me.  we were outside for about 40 minutes when an unfortunate accident happened involving caleb tripping, the brick fence that lines our backyard, and caleb's forehead. we came back inside.

with the kids being dirty i had them strip down to just their diaper and underwear and we started playing a new game.  this time i sat on the rug by our couch and the kids took turns running to me screaming loudly and jumping into my arms as i catapulted them in the air and onto our couch cushions.  this went on for a good hour.  they were laughing hysterically and so was i.

i watched my two kids running around.  their healthy, strong bodies.  their bright eyes and smiling mouths.

leah, with dirt on her face and bright red cheeks.  scraggly hair.  absolutely beautiful to me.

caleb, his big goose egg on his forehead and his chipmunk laugh.  so adorable.

i can't wait to see who they turn out to be.  my job is not to force, to control or to judge their decisions.  because they're going to grow up to believe differently from me, to feel differently from me.

there has been a lot of hate going around the world, specifically recently.  even when it is delivered in the name of love, it's still hate.  but there also has been a lot of love going on, delivered in the name of love.  

i have thought a lot lately about where i stand, what i believe in, who i am.  i think it's good to have these self-evaluations regularly, even if these very evaluations have been brought about because of hate, delivered in the name of love.  

i will let my children know my beliefs and who i am.  of course i will.  but at the end of the day, when they are grown and doing their own self-evaluations, it will not be my place to disapprove, or judge or mock or persecute.  that is not my role as their mother, just like it's not my role for any human being, really.

but what is my role?

just to love them. no matter what.

i'm really glad my job is so easy.