Wednesday, June 1, 2011

the ride.

lately, for the past few months... more specifically for the past few weeks... life has felt like a roller coaster.

and not one of the really thrilling, exciting roller coasters.  it's been more along the lines of the old, white rickety roller coaster at lagoon, where there was talk in my growing up days of children dying on it and riders seeing nuts and bolts popping off as they whipped around corners.  my friends and i would dare each other to ride it, just to see who was willing to look death in the face that day.

ben just read what i wrote and wanted to add his two cents in, and has an even more optimistic approach.  his take on our life lately is that it actually feels like we're on the puff the magic dragon children's roller coaster, which was rumored to have decapitated one of its innocent riders during a spin on the green monster.  this one is a bit harder for me to believe, since that little coaster goes like 0.2 miles an hour, but still.
we're just a ball of fun, huh?

before you stop reading because we're so enormously depressing, let me reassure you. 

the ride we're on might feel overwhelming, and honestly like almost everything is uphill in a ricketyslashpossiblydecapitating roller coaster that at any moment could turn us over...

we're not giving up.

at least not today.  

tomorrow?  well, who knows.  

but not today.

Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.
--Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
full talk here.

maybe i will write the details someday, maybe i won't because the darkness will have passed and there will be no need to re-visit it.  i don't want to wallow in all of it, but am not sure if the therapeutic need for writing it out would be considered "wallowing." i guess i'll just have to wait and see.  

tonight i am going to say a prayer, count my blessings and go to bed, so that i can be awake enough tomorrow to keep my arms and legs in at all times, strap on my anti-decapitating helmet, and hold on for dear life.


Dana Broderick said...

Oh man! This is quite a year for you guys! We are keeping you in our prayers!

K Harker said...

They make helmets like that? Where can I get one?
Just kidding. Love sent to you guys, you have had it rough and you deal with it so well, that is something to be proud of right there. Prayers sent your way.

Tiff said...

I actually researched the Lagoon deaths a couple months ago, because I too was dwelling on the childhood tales of horror. There have only been 2 people to ever die on rides at Lagoon, and it happened THE SAME SUMMER-just a few weeks apart. The first was the teenage girl who fell off The Rollercoaster of Doom, and the other was indeed a boy who fell off the back Puff, and when he poked his head above the track to climb out he was decapitated. So there's an uplifting fact for you :)

lynsey said...

tiff- i can't believe ben was RIGHT. all of this time i thought he was just being a drama queen about ol' puffy. but i totally stand corrected! and am glad that i'm not the betting kind.... :)

Rachel Chick said...

Ah, Lyns. I love the way you write and I miss both you and ol' Benny-boy. I'm glad that some of the darkness has passed. :) You are so beautiful. And I don't think that recording some of the "journey" is wallowing - but sometimes rehashing things isn't always helpful either. Good luck with sorting through things. I know you'll get there.

Kanien said...

You are amazing! I wish we lived closer. Every time I read your blog I just want to come and give you a hug and then go get ice cream and have a girls night. It is crazy what cards we have been given, but I hear you that someday we will know the answer. plus you totally answered my prayers today. I am going to girls camp next week and I have been praying that I will find the right quote and look at you just posting it right on your blog! Thanks for being my little angel today! Good luck with everything and remember you are so Amazing!

sarahbellac said...

Lynsey, I'm so sorry. I really hope the roller coaster ride ends soon. Or at least becomes more enjoyable than painful.
BTW - My friend's nanny/housekeeper was the mother of the boy who died on Puff. True story. So sad and I can't help thinking of that awful story each time I take my kids on it.
Hang in there! This too shall pass. :)

Nana said...

I'm sorry for the roller coaster you are on right now, but the one thing to be grateful for is that you can go to sleep and wake up to another day! Just the thought of that blessing is overwhelming.We have our bad, horrible days. But we can also have that reprieve of the day, so to sleep and rest from our cares....and wake up to a brand new day. the trick is to look at it as a gift and make it better than the day before! Some times that doesn't happen, but then we're given another day. You can do this! I know you can...because you still have perspective. That is a blessing! hang in there and know you are loved by many who are praying for you! Love you!

Megan said...

You are amazing! I miss you and your advice. You are so good and I need to learn some of the ways you have dealt with life because you do it is such a way that is inspiring. You are awesome and I wish you nothing but the best. I am so proud of you and all your hard work. Your hubby and kids and the little peanut on the way are so blessed. Love you lots-