Monday, March 23, 2009

exorcisms and stun guns

the morning started out relatively well. at about 10:00am, all you know what broke loose.

caleb has been on about 5 time outs, all being led one-handed to his time out corner by his mother toting a screaming 3 week old. he finally screamed--not cried--SCREAMED for about 20 minutes in his room with the door shut while i listened to him on the monitor to make sure he wasn't in any imminent danger.

meanwhile, his little sister has been unhappy non-stop. holding her seems to help, but she still cries like i've just pinched her wrinkly little bum anytime i set her down.

at about 11, i texted ben just to vent to someone. no reply. i knew there wouldn't be, he was in class. the cycle of time outs, screams, and attempts to calm down continued.

it is now almost 1:30pm. about 30 minutes ago, caleb finally settled down. i went in and told him i still loved him even though he yelled several times that he was running away, slammed doors and punched me as i was hauling him to the time out zone.

but all that aside, once he apologized i said he was still a good boy in my eyes and that i forgave him. we hugged, i wiped away his tears, listened to him vent about how i was mean to him, and said i would see him when he woke up from his nap where we would both try again.

and walked back over to his sister who i (heaven forbid) had set down on the bed. she was now a nice shade of red/purple due to her screams.

i pulled out my stun gun...also known as gripe water in a syringe...and slowly let her suck the 1/2 tsp down.


knowing i only had about 5 minutes before the gripe water wore off (is there anyone who would approve of me putting it in an IV drip to go straight into her veins?) so i pulled out a wash cloth, turned on the hot water, and washed my face.

in other words, me time. i might even throw caution to the wind and brush my teeth. really testing fate knowing that my stun gun is quickly wearing off.

and at just this moment, ben walks through the door.

about 2 hours too late, isn't he?

he's on the phone talking to his sister about when we are planning the baby blessing. he verifies with me that it will be in may.

from beneath my hot, wet washcloth that i have just set on top of my face i say,

"we don't need a blessing. we need an exorcism to chase the devil out of this baby. and while we're at it, throw caleb and i in the mix there. it seems to be contagious in our house."

is this something to invite friends and family for? to provide a nice luncheon afterward to celebrate? should i buy a new dress? take pictures of the before and after? not quite sure of the etiquette for exorcisms.

i am only half-joking.


Erika said...

Oh my gosh you kill me. I love that you say it like it is. Cause we all know we feel like that sometimes!!

garrettandbritt said...

I totally know how you almost feel. I hate those days that as a mom you just want to say ok I quit. Thank goodness we do get to somewhat rest at night and go at it again another day. I really wish children came with instruction books. I would be the first in line to buy one. Good luck, hopefully it will get better. Just Hang In There!!!!

Brooke said...

I'm at my "stalker" sister-in-law's house and we are rolling. Holy crap - you kill us. I must say that you are amazing. You just keep on keepin' on - and someday our kids are going to look back and realize how amazing we are. Okay, maybe not - but here's to hoping.

Rachel H. said...

Too funny...well, funny to me because you write it so humorous and I am not there. Not funny because you ARE there.

You are so talented at getting it all out there!

Francis and Fawn Becker said...

Why do you make this stuff up about sweet Caleb?? j/k I totally understand, Kali threw a huge fit today because of some cheese and crackers and a lack of blanket space during our lunch picnic....thank heavens we were only outback. You know we never got to have you guys over for our family dinner, so PLEASE whenever Leah is ready to see the world let me know so you can come. (and I am not rushing you because I totally understand about not taking new babies anywhere too soon)

Clancy Pants said...

Sorry, dude. I've felt your pain. My oldest was a non-stop screamer. He's still pretty angry. He must've come hard-wired that way.

I remember we tried the "cry it out" method with him as he never figured out the sleep-through-the-night thing. The first night, they said, is the worst and longest. It gets shorter and shorter until they just go to sleep. I'm not sure who said that, but Mac's first night he cried for 45 minutes. The next night was about an hour and a half. The next night, longer. Each night was considerably longer until the last night (or the night I decided that WASN'T the method for this child) he cried for three and a half hours.

Really, that has very little to do with your story. He was not three weeks old at the time... more like 7-9 months (can't remember). But, I thought of it and shared it. Do you feel better now? ;) haha!

What I'm trying to say is, sorry about the screaming part. And the wild toddler. Don't you just want to punch those people who say, "Oooohhh! Enjoy this time! It's over so quickly!!!!" I'm sure we'll all feel this way one day, but whenever someone says that to me, I have to hold my fist at my side....

K Harker said...

Lyns you crack me up, though your situation is not funny at all. I told you Baby # 2 rocks your world! Am I right? You're totally out numbered and it sucks! Thanks for saying it how it is, no hiding the truth because we all know how it really is.

Glad you got some "you" time even if it was just for a minute, some times that is all it takes.

Andrea said...

In an effort to make you feel better I will state how it could have been worse
1. Caleb takes Leah's full diaper out of the trash and smears it all over the kitchen counter...then eats a little just for spite.
2.Ben comes home and tells you that he purchased P90X Part 2 - SPECIAL EDITION!!
3. You realize that these last three weeks with baby has been a dream - you are still pregnant and the doctor tells you that she is actually twins, no make that triplet boys.
4. While Caleb is in his room screaming he sets the place on fire while screaming"I like em big, I like em chunky." Then he starts writing his memoirs, "The Story of My Mean Mom," while watching the flames.
5. And last but not least - You get a call from the producers of your show, they are coming over in five minutes with the cameras and todays guest star Brad Pitt and you are still in your PJ's with a washcloth on your face...
Oh the joys of motherhood.

Tui Family said...

Oh Lyns,
I'm so sorry. Glad you can vent and get your feelings out. I definately know how you will get better, I promise. I can totally emphathize with the screaming infant too. It's so frustrating to feel so helpless. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you WILL get through this. Hang in there! Keep us posted...

Brandon and Emily said...

Lynsey I love you! I wish I was there to help. Even if only to help hold the baby. Call me anytime to vent. I mean it. I also love Andrea's scenarios.

Shellee said...

This is all too close to home. When they turn five you can send them to school! Praise public education. In the mean time, hold on for dear life.

Lots of love from me and my crazies. You're doing good.

Lauren Horsley said...

That's it. I am sending you a care package. CHOCOLATE IS ON IT'S WAY! (And you can pig out on it now that you're not nursing - hooray!)